Songs Kill Me Sometimes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Songs Kill Me Sometimes
15
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 7:29pm
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,

I'll tell you that.

But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it

where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and

destruction to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of "it's over"

then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet

Which I'm sure we will

All that was then

Will be there still

I'll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:35pm
Is that another Indigo Girls song?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:09am
This is a new one from Dido...

So, I'm guessing that since she has more "marketability" than the IGs, this will be a song for me to suffer through on the radio a lot over the next few months... On the way to work, on the way to apptmts, on the way home, etc.,, etc...

Coming to a radio near you: more heartbreak!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:10am
p.s.- did you ever go get that disk? On second thought.. maybe you shouldn't. Very powerful lyrics, I think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 9:37am
No, I forgot the name...what was it called again?

Huh, I didn't know guys your age listed to artists like Dido (J/K!!!!!) :-)

-Joy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 4:38pm
The album's called "Become You"... some really great stuff. You mentioned having bought some of their CDs before; what do you have? I'm a big fan; their lyrics always seem to hit me..

Dido!? MY AGE? (okay, okay... I do remember black & white TV...)

Dido's lyrics from her last album (w/ the song "thank you") are also pretty tough for a person in NC to listen to. Google search "Dido" and "lyrics".. you'll see what I mean. Funny how this experience puts a new twist on things.

Not doing so hot today. I'm missing her. Sigh. I'd give just about anything right now especially to hear the sound of her laughter.

I had her voice mail on the line... she had mailed something over for my approval & parameters... Just hearing her message/recording. arrgggh! I uh.. well, I miss her voice & laughter. I really do. I left a voicemail message and was completely business like, except for my close, "take care". I don't know if she knows how hard this is for me. (But that doesn't matter, really does it?).

I was left last night w/ real negative feelings & thoughts re: my marriage (why work it out? wouldn't "m" be better? etc.)...Pretty bluesy stuff. Wife hasn't been so great lately. I hear these stories here about unresponsive husbands, and just don't get it (from a man's perspective) since there are times where my w is unresponsive, and I've always just presumed that men are more naturally sexually aggressive... W has been unresponsive lately.. Not even with totally sexual overtures... its the little things. A "pull away" in the kitchen when a snuggly hug is offered... a shift away in the bed if my hand reaches out and touches her arm... (just because I snuggle or touch in bed doesn't mean that we've got to "do it" !!! )

These are lean times.

But, on a lighter note, my swimming & running is coming along great. I have drawn comments from friends that I look better (minus some pounds).

I'll be away from internet contact Mon thru Fri... I may pop in a little this weekend, and wonder what I'll be like at the end of next week. This really is a daily struggle, LifeOfJoy, isn't it? Can you tell that I'm tired though? I'm really getting emotionally worn out. I'm tired.

and that brings me full circle. It was always "M" that could lift me when I got a little down. I miss that part of whatever it was that she and I were.

Oh well... NC day whatever & counting....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 12:22am
Oh RG, I feel for ya'. Remember me earlier this week (and last week for that matter)? Exhausted. Beat. Done reading, done posting, done thinking, done talking, and I really would have loved an awakening love-making session with XMM. But, you'll get through it, I promise. I'm feeling better today (at 6 weeks NS and 1 week NC) than I have for quite sometime.

Re: your W and her pulling away. It MIGHT have something to do with sex (and feeling like any touching means you want to have sex), but it might be that she's feeling emotionally distant from you. Ok, I'm going to play amateur therapist here, or maybe just give you the female perspective on what she may be experiencing, take what you want ignore the rest.

Could it be that #1: You are trying to bring the love/intimacy that you felt with "M" into the marriage and it is frightening to W? Perhaps one of the reasons your relationship "worked" for her for all these years is that she didn't have to get too close to you. There are many women in the world (including myself I'm learning) that are scared or simply unknowledgeable about true intimacy. As long as you had M on the side, your W didn't have to worry about you getting too close to her. Now you are trying to bring your intimate side into the marriage (as you should) and it freaks W out. If she has cheated on you multiple times, I would suspect she has intimacy issues; A's are a great way to keep the intimacy level in the primary relationship at bay. Plus she doesn't know why you're changing all of a sudden (you may not feel like you're changing, but I promise, the energy is different now that "M" is not getting your love).

Or could it be #2: She has felt very shut out by you these past few weeks because she sees that you are in pain about something but you won't share with her what your pain is. From her perspective, you are looking for physical comfort from her but it feels somehow false, or like she is supposed to fill some hole in you but she hasn't the faintest clue what the hole is so she feels confused. Women are more emotional beings than physical. We want to know "why," and she doesn't know why you are seeking solace from her; she doesn't know why you're reaching toward her.

Or could it be #3: She is sleeping with another man. I know you are "1000% sure" she's not, but really, we all know now how easy it is to hide and live two lives. Many women find it difficult to sleep with two men.

Or could it be #4: There is something going on physically? Changing hormones? I think I'm reaching with this one. She's too young for menopause and if it was a hormonal thing, the cuddling and loving wouldn't be aversive to her.

Keep posting. There have been some really insightful posts lately. I've noticed you're backing off a bit. I'm back in full force for some reason. Just feel like since I'm feelin' good I should try hard for y'all right now. You all were there for me when I needed you most.

-Joy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 3:16pm
2nat


Edited 11/11/2003 11:01:11 PM ET by 2nat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 4:44pm
I was involved in an emotional affair, so the references to the physical affair in this song do not pertain to me, but here is a song that seems appropriate, by Dan Hill:


You Say You're Free

You say you're free

well your freedom's killing me

and I feel just like a statue

to be admired from a distance

my love collides with your resistance

then bounces back inside of me

You tell me that you're strong

well your strength just shatters me

as I scramble for my pieces

but the puzzle keeps repeating

it seems so self defeating

how we plan each move so carefully

Chorus:

and still we both hang on

we risk a night and greet the dawn

an affair for you -- for me a song

then suddenly it's over

two cynics passing through

I blew it I fell in love with you

the thing I swore I would never do

and now my love just turns you colder

You say you're trying to find yourself

well I know how hard that is

and I wish that I could help you

to share while life keeps teaching

to share while you keep reaching

but you prefer to reach out privately

(Chorus)

You say your free

well your freedom's killing me

and I feel just like a statue

to be admired from a distance

my love collides with your resistance

then bounces back inside of me

...the pattern goes on endlessly...


Natural Spirit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 1:48pm
Riverguy,

Your post really got to me. First it made me feel bad, because I myself have been an unresponsive wife for so long..."pulling away in the kitchen", fits me to a tea. I am not always like that..I have my good days. Sometimes though,mostly when i am missing XMM, or when I am feeling guilty, I am stonefaced, and simply going through the motions, til I can just go to bed, and stop thinking.

Secondly, you saying you miss her laughter, and that she always lifted your spirits. My XMM did that for me. He never treated me poorly, and we were so comfortable together.

I really miss that.

Lately though...I have found that if I try to approach my marriage with the same "umph" that I did with my EMA I get good results. I am learning to love my H again, trying to truely be his friend. Its hard sometimes though, being that he knows about the A..he sometimes badgers me with relentless questioning. I have answered the same quetions a thousand times..I can even mouth them along with him..or tell you the precise order they come in. So that in and of itself makes things difficult. But...I am learning..everyday, how to re-commit myself to this. Don't get me wrong..I have my F* it days, but they are becoming more infrequent.

Good job on the swimmin and runnin! I think its great that you are focusing on yourself. I too have taken up swimming again. I find it to be almost like a form meditation for me. I grew up in and around water...and swam in high school and my first year of college, I am so glad to have found it again...what a great outlet!!!

Well, good luck to you, I have enjoyed reading your posts...(i'm mostly a lurker).

Keep on keepin on!

Also, a great person to check out musicwise...is Susan Tedeschi. She is awesome, amazing talent, and lyrics to match!

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 1:57pm
Okay, it may seem a little repetitive, with a lot of "OH's" but shes a blues singer! LOL



I cry for love that's gone

A love that can't be mine

Well I'll pay every day for loving you

Darling deep down inside

How am I gonna tell you

How am I gonna let you know

That night and day I think about you

And it's killing me slow

The temptation of you is oh so strong

I know I can't have you

Why can't I leave you alone

Oh I know that this trouble

Oh it's here to stay

That's why I'm keeping me distance

Oh I'm praying that you come my way

Praying that you come my way

Oh praying that you come my way

The temptation of you is oh so strong

I know I can't have you

Why can't I leave you alone

Oh I want you to come see me

Oh late at night

That's when we'll pull down the shades darling

And we'll turn down the lights

Ooo I don't want to hurt myself

Don't want to drive you away

That's why I'm keeping my distance

Oh I'm praying that you come my way

Praying that you come my way

Oh praying that you come my...

Oh praying that you come my way

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