Success Story - Over 2 years and still going strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2012
Success Story - Over 2 years and still going strong
2
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 2:31pm
I wanted to share my story just to support some of these people still struggling with ending their affairs. I was a frequent reader of the MAS support board during and shortly after my A under a different user name, though I can't remember it now, and really wanted to leave that behind anyway considering everything is going so well. My A was short, but not sweet. It ended in me and my husband nearly divorced and in a terrible place to begin with. I was also emotionally devastated by the entire thing. I wrecked my DH emotionally, which he NEVER deserved, and my almost wrecked my entire family. How do I know my DH and I are in a better place now? Well, we are like a different couple. We were good in the beginning, not so great two years ago, but now, we're better than we've ever been. Am I glad I had an A? Heck no! I wish I had never gone there. Am I glad I told my DH? Yes. It wouldn't have felt right if I hadn't. Not the right decision for all, but it was for me. I coudn't have lived a true life with my DH knowing his feelings about A's if I hadn't told him. Lastly, I know this because I asked my husband not too long ago how he can trust me when he leaves for work everyday that I won't do what I did to him before. He said, "I just know in my heart you'll never do it again." I felt, for the first time, I could forgive myself and move on. My A was with a family friend. He was my H's friend. I became close to him after 20 years of friendship. We were best friends. My H and I had problems, both emotionally and sexually. I turned to AP for support for both. We had an A that only lasted three weeks due to my terrible guilt. I still continued a friendship with him for 3 months. He eventually started telling people I made him feel "uncomfortable" so I spilled the beans to those people as well as my DH to let them know the truth. I've had no contact for over 2 years. Feb. 23, 2010 was my last contact with him. I've seen him many times as we live in a small town, but I am good about avoiding him completely. I've learned things about myself that explain why I would do something I consider so awful and unlike me. Insecurity about myself fueled the A. I was looking for confirmation that I was loveable. The problem with this is that I had a man who loved me all along. He was showing me, but I chose to turn away. My kids may have paid the ultimate price had the A gone on longer. I feel for the spouses in these forums who have had D Day and paid the ultimate price. I pray you and your ex's, AP's and children find peace. To those who are wanting to end their affairs - you can do it. You're strong enough. You will ache and feel pain that a heroin addict detoxing for the first week, and after that, the pain will lessen. It will continue to lessen. You must try to find happiness in your marriage if it's still there. It might be hidden, but I promise you can do it. You can save yourself from the pain an A will cause. I felt it myself. I lived it myself. I know it can be done with time and strength and preserverance. Good luck to everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I wish you, your H, and your family the very best.

((Hugs))

Iddy

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
What a great success story!