The Ups and Downs of Healing - purging the toxins

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
The Ups and Downs of Healing - purging the toxins
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 10:58pm
As mentioned in one of my other posts, I am now posting this here in the healing library to be available to those who come and read here to find encouragement and hope. (and, by the way, I don't come here often enough and wanted to change that!)
Healing. We all seek it. We have come to a point in our lives where we have been broken down, we are emotionally spent, we have lost a good portion of our self-dignity and self-respect, we have been used and have USED. The A was our drug of choice. It made us feel good for awhile, for some the A's lasted years, others months and maybe even some only weeks. But we are broken now. We need to stop using our drug. That is why we here at EAS preach NC - totally and completely. There is no other way to completely free oneself from the strong addiction of the behavior we engage in while in the A. We have to quit "cold turkey". When an alcoholic goes to an AA meeting, they do not tell that person - "hey, why don't you only have two beers at night instead of a six-pack?" Nope. For the alcoholic, abstinence is the only way he or she will have any hope of regaining the control over his or her life. Let's face it - we let the A control our lives. To regain control, we must be strong to abstain from xap and friends of xap. We must purge our real lives from that which reminds us of xap. I recently found something that my 1st xap had given me - it was a piece of candy that I had hidden away in my top dresser drawer. Well, that was awhile ago. Since my D-Day back on Feb. 23, 2011, I have been purging. And ironically enough, when I went to clean my top dresser drawer, to my horror, I found BUGS. Little black bugs and their little casings from the ones that had died. This drawer was also where I kept some of my unmentionables - everything had BUGS on it. So, as I grudgingly took the drawer apart to shake everything off and take it out to be washed, I found the source of the bugs. Yep. That candy from xap. Ironic, no????? Yeah. Let's just say that was a great purging moment for me. And very significant indeed!!

Let's purge xap and all that reminds us to further our healing and get back on track of healing!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
You are so right about the loss of dignity and self-respect. No matter how we justify our (admittedly cringe-worthy) actions. Would we have put up with this kind of bad behaviour from those outside the A bubble? Of course not. The A drug/fog makes us think and do the most ridiculous and embarrassing things. It is evil and destructive. I love your candy and bugs story - this was a big sign from the Universe directly to you, my dear. Definitely reinforcing that you are on the right track for healing! :D

big hugs from trixie xoxo