Welcome Package - A TLC first aid kit for Newbie ENDERS

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Registered: 10-14-2010
Welcome Package - A TLC first aid kit for Newbie ENDERS
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Fri, 11-12-2010 - 8:49pm

Before I get too far past the initial feelings of Ending...I want to gather a number of helpful (One Stop Shop) articles and (previous posts) If you all dont mind if I copy and paste - I promise to include the links and give credit to the author- :) I just want to Organize a

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
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Registered: 10-14-2010

Stages of Change

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Stages_of_Change/stages_of_change.htm
1) PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE

"IT ISN'T THAT WE CAN'T SEE THE SOLUTION. IT IS THAT WE CAN'T SEE THE PROBLEM" Precontemplators usually show up in therapy because of pressures from others… spouses, employers, parents, and courts… Resist change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors such as genetic makeup, addition, family, society, destiny, the police, etc.

They feel the situation is HOPELESS.

2) CONTEMPLATION STAGE

"I WANT TO STOP FEELING SO STUCK"
Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months.

"YOU KNOW YOUR DESTINATION, AND EVEN HOW TO GET THERE, BUT YOU ARE NOT READY TO GO YET"

It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change, their thinking is clearly marked by two changes. First, they begin to think more about the future than the past.

The end of contemplation stage is a time of ANTICIPATION, ACTIVITY, ANXIETY, and EXCITEMENT.

3) PREPARATION STAGE

Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing.

4) ACTION STAGE

Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy.

CHANGE IS MORE VISIBLE TO OTHERS.

5) MAINTENANCE STAGE

Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage.


MOST SUCCESSFUL SELF-CHANGERS GO THROUGH THE STAGES THREE OR FOUR TIMES BEFORE THEY MAKE IT THROUGH THE CYCLE OF CHANGE WITHOUT AT LEAST ONE SLIP. MOST WILL RETURN TO THE CONTEMPLATION STAGE OF CHANGE. SLIPS GIVE US THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
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Registered: 10-14-2010

FROM NO CONTACT by Natalie Lue

You’re probably wondering how you’ve ended up crying wolf and there are a

number of behaviours that will not only cause your words and actions not to match,

but are indicators that you’re likely to need to employ NC on someone, as you’ll see

from the following ten signs:

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
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Registered: 10-14-2010

No Contact by Natalie Lue www.baggagereclaim.com

But I bet you’re wondering what the key signs are that you’re dealing with someone you’ll need to cut contact with…

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

21266_gameoverfull.jpg

Posted by Messenger_2008

TIP FOR MAINTAINING NO CONTACT:

1. Start by making a promise to yourself for upholding the following rules;

2. No contact includes every single form of contact with him/her..

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

self_love-prescription-wealth.jpg

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Instead of Getting Closure – Some Ways to Stay in Limbo

http://iwantclosure.com/closure/instead-of-getting-closure-some-ways-to-stay-in-limbo/

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

So many women say they want closure yet have a hard time finding it. They wonder why they cannot free themselves from thoughts and emotions regarding their ex. They say they don’t want to think about their ex boyfriend or husband yet their mind always seems to drift in that direction. They can’t sleep at night because the ex is on their mind and when they wake up in the morning they remember the dream they had about him while they were sleeping.

Why is closure so elusive for so many women? Could women actually be SABOTAGING themselves from getting the closure they profess to want so desperately?

Here are some ways that women keep themselves in limbo rather than get closure:

1) Needing to know: What is he doing right now? Is he hurting? Does he miss me? Does he regret losing me? Does he plan on reuniting with me? Is he happy that it is over? Is he ready to date someone else? Is he ready to sleep with someone else? Has he slept or dated someone else? Does he care about them? Was the sex good? How can he act like nothing is wrong yet I am devastated? Will he ever find someone he loves more than me? Did he actually love me?

What difference does the answer to any of the questions make in your life? These questions are all about HIM, not YOU!! No wonder you can’t move on and move forward!!! The answers will not give you closure, because you will only have MORE questions!

2) Women have wonderful imaginations and are curious by nature. So if we can’t talk to our ex or find out what is going on, we can simply fantasize about it! You can imagine telling him all the horrible things he has done and why he doesn’t deserve to be back with you, you can imagine tears running down his face when he says how sorry he is, you can go over conversations over and over and over again so you know just what to say should you ever see/talk to him. You can picture him miserable, broken down and suffering. The problem is you are living in your imagination too much rather than accepting your reality and dealing with it.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Pity is Never Pretty
Thursday, June 10, 2010

Maintaining your Dignity!

You

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Is the Affair Love or Love Addiction?

Is it Love or Love Addiction?

By Jeffrey D. Murrah

addiction_to_love_by_B_neoZEN.jpg

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

The Cheater's Nightmare

infidelity-girl-gun-field-cheater-demotivational-poster-1260546058.jpg

Ever wonder what a Cheater is thinking? Sure you do. Think about it. They live in constant fear. They wonder what do I do if, or when, my spouse finds out? They constantly try to convince themselves that no one will ever know, but they live in fear that someone WILL find out.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Infidelity-and-the-Cheaters-Nightmare

As a Cheater, maybe you worry too much. Really, just think about it. Do you think your Spouse will notice your:

· New clothes

· New cologne/perfume

· New underwear

· All the wrong number or hang-up calls

Your Spouse is busy with their own schedule, they are not going to think it’s weird when you:

· Hide the phone bills

· Don’t answer phone calls

· Keep your phone in your pocket on vibrate

· Take your phone to the bathroom or in the shower

Stop worrying! Your Spouse has better things to do than keep tabs on you. You won’t look suspicious at all if you:

· Are on the computer till all hours of the night

· Close the window on your computer if he/she walks in

· Change all your passwords

· Open a secret email account

· Or erase your browsing history

Everybody does that stuff. Matter of fact, self improvement is a great thing. Your Mate will be proud that you are now:

· Spending more time at the gym and in the tanning bed

· Leaving early for work

· Working late

It’s completely understandable you no longer have time to:

· Spend with the family

· Do chores around the house

· Or have an intimate talk about your Marriage

Those things can wait. You are a new person now. Extremely busy, and nobody will think twice if you:

· Spend more time with friends

· Change your schedule

· Or offer to run errands to get out of the house

I mean, really, who will ever know as long as you are super careful, right? No one will ever find out as long as you:

· Dab on a little cologne/makeup before you get home

· Hide your new secret cell phone under the seat of your car

· Double check all your alibis

This thing will work. You are smarter, craftier, and more believable than any other Cheater on the planet. They must have gotten careless. You won’t make that mistake. If your Spouse asks what’s going on:

· You’ll just deny there’s anything going on

· You’ll say that person is ‘Just a Friend’

· You’ll have an explanation for everything

You will be believable. Besides, your Spouse will never:

· Check the mileage on your car

· Look at the bank/credit card statements

· Notice the ATM withdrawal was in a different city

· Peruse the cell phone bills

· Notice your briefcase is always locked

· Figure out those weird numbers on your pager are really a code

Stop worrying! You have this thing under control! Nobody is going to notice the:

· Glances

· The looks that last too long

· The brush on the shoulder as you walk by

· Or always leaving work together

Why are you so darn scared all the time? Living in constant fear is part of the excitement! Enjoy it! Treasure it!

Yeah sure, your spouse has a ‘Sixth Sense’. So what, they all do! They’re supposed to know your every expression, voice inflection, action, and thought. Sure, your spouse knows you like they know the back of their own hand. You really think they’d notice if their hand were missing a couple fingers and half of the thumb?

Just try not to get so upset when they start asking too many questions, wanting to know where you’ve been, who you were with, and why you are late. Try not to think of your mate as being the Marriage Police or Prison Guard always on Relationship Patrol. She/he hasn’t always been this way. They are just concerned about you’re well being. They are just worried about the distance in the relationship, your lack of interest, and why you are so tired these days.

You know, at some point, most Cheaters have to fess up and ‘Pay the Piper’. But with a little luck and careful planning you may just pull it off. If you cover all the bases, cover your tracks, become proficient at lying and deceit, then you can enjoy the double-life and all it has to offer.

Getting caught? Nah, don’t worry about it.

You can deny the whole thing! Just be prepared with a plausible explanation for those nine hundred text messages on last month’s phone bill. And don’t forget to pay in cash at your favorite meeting place, they’ll “Leave the light on for ya”.

I know, you’ve probably heard the saying,

“You choose the Fallout when you choose the Fantasy”

But maybe it will be different for you....

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
The 10 most positive and inspiring break up quotes:

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010