What I would want to say if I could....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2011
What I would want to say if I could....
3
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 11:10am

AP,

I am filled with so much confusion and pain right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 4:43pm

Its4thebest-

This is hard, and I know you are hurting. Day 12 is a great start.

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 1:43am
Thank U. I know I brought this on myself and now I am paying the piper. I just want the pain the subside. Writing it down feels good. U guys are so supportive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 3:15am

It is such a hard thing to know the pain we are experiencing was instigated by our own choices. I know it is hard to see beyond how you are feeling right now but the pain will subside.

I think few who engage in an A really feel they are valued or worthy just for who they are, our xaps included. The very things that made you feel you were worth something during the high of the A would have also been making him feel like he was worth something too. I just think that for us women (and some men) the emotional part of the A fed what we thought was the worthy side of us and the physical side was what fed them. Unfortunately the emotions are a lot harder to satisfy and so we were always left wanting more, when they withdrew, giving us the feeling of not being enough.

Best, once you get through this raw pain and the wound starts to heal a little, you will be able to step back and see that it isn't that we are dismissed now but rather we were dismissed the minute the line was crossed. During the time of separation from my H, my H had a woman from his past start messaging him. He cut it off very quickly when he saw where it was going. He was vulnerable and he could have easily had his revenge on me but it would have been at her cost. He valued her enough not to take advantage. I am sure though she probably felt quite rejected and perhaps a bit dismissed. Dismissing her would have been by engaging with her in an affair as when you really think about it, we dismissed our affair partners and they us from the very beginning. We dismissed their lives, their families, their friends and so we dismissed the heart of who they were. Now as you step back into your life, and he his, don't look at it as him dismissing you anymore. He is acknowledging that neither of you are healthy for eachother and that life isn't meant to be half lived, with one foot in two different worlds. Even if his motives are just ones of being sick of the push and pull of the affair, and he has had enough, he is still giving you the opportunity not to feel dismissed any longer. This is the worse it gets when you keep yourself inside the NC walls. No more rejection, no more games. And a chance to see your own worth once more, for as Angie said, no one can make us feel anything but the affair sure stops us from seeing our own self worth.

((HUGS)) and again as Angie said, keep posting, it really does help you sift through your thoughts.

The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.