Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 10:26pm

Words by Iddy...

"There is no closure in affairs. We go into them thinking this is a real relationship with mutual honesty and trust, and this is the farthest you can get from the truth.

Affairs are based on lies, deceit, more lies, fancy words said in the heat of the moment, promises made for getting what we want, and their dynamics change faster than Michigan's weather.

There are no rules, no growth, and no guaranteed tomorrows.

They all have an expiration date stamped on them, and they will end when and if either AP decides it's time; with or without explanation.

This is how it is. Once you can accept that this is what you signed up for, the sooner you are going to get past this self betrayal."

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 8:05am

Sometimes words go right over our heads, as if the fog makes us unable to see. 

I know that's exactly what happened here to me, when she wrote these words. I never understood.

Iddy wrote a gem when she put those words to paper. 

I probably read them when written, but it proves that you should go back and read old posts, (if they are still there :-/ ) and heed some of the wise words.

The excuse of closure is usually a feeble attempt at hanging onto something that isn't there. A delay tactic if you will. It is an expression of our selfish behavior, our having to have our own way, and not quitting. Hanging on. Not letting go.

Instead of closure, it usually leads to mixed signals, confused feelings and more and more unanswered questions. More hanging on. More not letting go.

The honesty just isn't there. How can you trust someone who isn't honest to begin with? Someone who would just as well lie and cheat, and you think all of a sudden you are going to get soul deep in honesty and truth?

If there was one bit of honesty between both parties, it would just be total hurt.  Is that what we are looking for? Isn't there enough hurt going on? Do we want to hurt ourselves?

I have always said, someone is going to get hurt, and the choice is yours to make who it's going to be.

Closure is in you, when you decide you are done.  

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.