:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
:(
2
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:21am

i just want to vent .......

i have no where to go right now, i have some friends but my story gets old to them ...

u all know i work with OW, we have IC again on march 25th, since then she is back to her old way, i was fooled again to say the least

i know i made a mistake again, im just upset at myself , i dont know how to say it but she asked me if i still want to have a relationship with her, she told me right now she cannot be with me 100% because of her situation, but she also told me we can have sex once a month if i can keep my emotions to myself especially at work

im realy not kidding, this is what she told me ..........

i dont know who i am anymore, i used to be a very independent person, i was relative happy and content of myself, i have no financial problems , i live a good life and now i am not even sure what to do with my life, i dont have any long term goals, it is unbelievable what my relationship with OW has done to me, im in the abyss right now

im wanted to cry but i cannot anymore, i wanted to be mad but i cannot be mad at her anymore, she told me to leave her alone but once a month we will get together and have sex

somebody pls take me out and just shot me

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
In reply to: maxell_2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:56am

Max

That would be shooting the wrong person.

Look my son quit that damn job and flip burgers if you have to to get away from her, SHE BE SICK IN THE HEAD and she is dragging you down with her. Don't believe that bullcrap she is telling you about her looking for a job, GET OUT OF THERE MAX.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: maxell_2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:32am
{{{{{{{{{max}}}}}}}}} i am coincidentally at a cross road in my life as well...nothing...and its not all due to exMM...just coincidence. My job is different...my friends are distant and my previous job provided a lot of social interaction. I feel the "abyss" you are speaking about..its like everyone evacuated the room and left me in there with the lights on..and a HUGE echo. I was very depressed yesterday. No family, no children, my friends are long distant or my one best friend is strangely not connecting with me...i have a lot of depression because i dont "want" to hook up with family out of loneliness and that is not a possibility (i dont know them anymore and they dont know me..parents are dead and well i dont like my 5 remaining siblings). I thought exMM was brought to me for my future...i guess it was gods way of clearing everything out and MAKING me look at my life. Its a SUCKY place to be...but i have to hold onto the notion of when we hit bottom ....we can then spring up...it literally cant get worse unless i lose my job..and that is not a possibility thank GOD. Its all i do have however...ive run my life into the ground...i wish i lived in another city ..at least i would have an excuse for being so alone in life. But i have to face what ive done or not done...and the irony is that its all because I did the right thing...worked so hard at my previous job it became my life...and also wouldn't be another woman or the woman that would hand "him" everything by letting him move in with me. I am forced to look at myself...ive never had this much time to myself..always working alot...and as a 39 year old WOMAN...i am "damaged" goods...because men want to know why i dont have kids or haven't been married....i gave myself to those who are no longer of this world, i gave to my friends, i was in grief during the most productive years of my life (5 deaths in my family from 27-35) and i avoided chaos as well and the other times i was just surviving and paying bills with no luxury of money or time to have fun outside or not "beautiful" to attract those I was attracted. Ive screwed up somewhere...and thought i was doing the "right" thing.
I think i need to get therapy...because my mindset is of one of "unfairness" and i am angry and sad..to the point where ive cried everyday for months now. (too much time on my hands..not used to it). Dammit, Ive never used anyone in my life, I just thought being responsible and trustworthy and loving and nurturing was enough. Apparently I need to be a skanky, bitchy, needy person who is divorced with kids or something...i am seen as damaged goods? go figure.
(to those who are divorced with kids...that is not written as you may see it...just as an afront particularly to the last two relationships ive had who have left or got booted...and then hooked up with the above in both cases)
Max...please...keep seeing your therapist. I find a small comfort in knowing...things only HAVE to get better....and i read my 2005 astrological forecast as well lol
::::::::::::::::::hugs to you::::::::::::::::::::::::::: we have to know we are not alone, and that there is a reward for being good people...that perhaps just have attracted bad ones. That we are worthy of good things and that they will come as long as we take care of ourselves and also put effort into life. There is no other alternative...UNDERSTAND THAT??
lizzie