1 day and counting....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
1 day and counting....
3
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:01am
hi. I'm new here, having just decided and ended my ema yesterday. I feel numb. I've been reading people's posts here and on the "my affair" site, and all the feelings of hurt and pain they're expressing, I know it. But right now, I just feel so numb, like someone just took away my ability to feel. I can't do no contact because I have to work rather closely with him for another year. He wasn't/isn't a bad guy. He's a great guy, and he never made me feel like crap. But I just knew it was time. This A wasn't fair to either one of us. And I really could see that it wasn't just hard on me, it was hard on him too. But this is not what i want. I want him. I don't know how I'm going to stop wanting him. And the thing I'm afraid for, is when the numbness wears off, and the real pain begins. I'm glad you guys are here. I actually have really supportive friends who know the whole story, even my mother. But I know you all are either where I am, or used to be there, so it helps. Just wanted to express myself a bit.
thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 7:11pm

NE NE

Welcome to the board and sorry you find yourself here at the same time.

Affairs are a breeding ground for pain, they also change normally nice men and women into less nice men and women over time, you can't go around lieing sneaking and cheating forever with out it effecting you.

Has hard as it will be and it will be very hard when you are truly done with his in both mind and heart you will be glad you got out.

You can do anything you decide you can do.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 7:29pm

Hi ne-ne!
I think you will find that this community is very helpful and supportive. It sounds like you have thought about it and made the right decision for you. It will be painful for a while after the "numb" feeling wears off. But you will be OK, in fact, you'll be better than OK. We are all here for you, if you just want to vent, express yourself, or need support. Stay strong, and remember to take care of YOU!

((hugs))
Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 7:55pm

Welcome, and congratulations on having the insight to recognize that continuing the affair will take you down a dead-end path.


A lot of the men in affairs aren't crummy or make their affair partners "feel like crap". They, like the women participants, are making a poor choice to solve something that is missing from their lives. Yes, there are the "players" too, and I hope all the "players" rot in the ground.


However, your guy, as did you are going to go through some serious heart aches now that you've pulled the plug on the affair. It is difficult, but not impossible to work together once the affair has ended. Keeping your boundaries based upon the reasons you've stated here on the board will help the healing process for both of you.


The numbness and pain come from loss experience similar to that which happens when a loved one dies.


AS is the anger that will come, too. Try not to be too hard on yourself for having been in the affair, and if your xMM is a "great guy" and not a "player", remember that he too is most likely going through a grieving process over the end of the affair. (yes, men DO have feelings; we just don't show them all too often). And while you may not see your ex crying in public, if the relationship had any meaning for him as it did for you, I'm sure he'll cry privately. I did. Hurt is hurt and is not gender based.


So, read the advice given on this board, stay as long as you wish, offer you own support to others and recover....


cl-nre