1 month away from Vetville -D-day- not doing so well

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
1 month away from Vetville -D-day- not doing so well
31
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 9:33am

I will become a Vet 12/23/10.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010

CSN,

I just wanted to offer my sympathy and hugs as well. A DDay for those of us who ended before having one is certainly one of our worst nightmares. I am absorbing everything written here. I think T for you is a must. It can only do good and help you get your mind to a place where you can make rational decisions about yourself and your future, whatever that may be.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. We are thinking of you. I am wishing you much strength, calm and a healthy outcome for all involved. So sorry for this to all come crashing down, especially this time of year. My heart hurts for you.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
You have no responsibility on H's drinking problem. H has no responsibility on your A. These are CHOICES you each made. Nobody can drive you to drink or to have an affair. Nobody. It takes two to repair a marriage, sounds like you are going it alone. That won't work. Maybe when you fix yourself he will jump onboard? I don't like your H's rug-sweeping. Time will tell.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006

Hugs to you Couldn't-

Alcohol has been a mistress in my marriage the entire 19 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010

CSN...sorry I'm a bit late in offering my support, but wanted to come on here and offer it regardless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009

CSN,

I'm so sorry that you are suffering--you sound exhausted. I don't have any words to add to the sage wisdom of the others beyond telling you that I am thinking of you and sending you warm wishes for comfort and strength.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009

My heartfelt thanks to all of you for you support and guidance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009

Hi CSN- I'm sorry to be so late in chiming in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010

(((CSN)))

Apologies for chiming in late.... i have been in M-saving mode and survival mode..... We are now 7 weeks post Dday...not sure how much things have progressed

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008

Hi CSN,

Oddles of cyber (((Hugs))). You’ve received a lot of great advice. Some of the advice I have a different take on and will share some of my thoughts later in my reply.

So sorry to read about your D-day. I too had one three and a half years ago and like NC a third party told my DH.

I’m glad to read that your DH is in the guest room. I believe in some form of separation if one or both parties feel they need that space. My DH and I separated for two weeks. Your DH likely has/will experience a lot of anger and it is best to have some distance so you don’t become a toxic dumping ground for his hurt and anger.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008

WWWM,

When I saw this in your reply:

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It brought back a lot of memories. I remember thinking this same thing and voicing it to a family friend that was there for both my H and I after D-day, “How can my H forgive me for this? This is bigger than anything he has ever done to hurt me or erode our M.”

Luckily the person I was speaking to (my pastor) had some amazing advice for me. He told me that if I was to take everything my DH did to hurt me throughout our M a put it in a pile, that pile would be just as big as the pile I had created by having my A.

It really put things in perspective for me. There are other ways to betray a S that are just as hurtful and damaging as having an A. M is not a score card with plus and minus columns.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.