10 signs you A is dying

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
10 signs you A is dying
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 12:03pm
This is for the lurkers out there, ring any bells? Isn't it time you ended your A??? And we wanna keep CLARITY busy don't we ;-)

For everyone else - feel free to add your signs you knew the A way dying!

1. He falls asleep while SMSing you. You no longer get a good night SMS 

2. You wrack your brains trying to find ways to get his attention. Those naughty pictures you send him are now virtually pornographic and you don't get the same reaction as before.

3. You start wishing you would fall ill or get involved in a car accident to make him realize how much he loves you and can't live without you.

4. You stop sending SMS'es to friends and family to make sure when you hear that beep from your phone - its only him!

5. You spend more time cyber stalking him than spending time with him

6. His lies of omission are increasing and his excuses are getting more creative.

7. You feel more desperate for everyday, while his life is fantastic, - your life is going down the drain

8. He only SMS's you when he's horny and doesn't even deny it. I got one once "I think I miss you, hmmm...must be horny"

9. Every serious conversation gets turned into something sexual with a blink of an eye.

10. You start thinking every woman is after your AP and you count yourself lucky to have him in your life - even though your the bright, attractive one!! 

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 3:03pm

Great idea, WGO.

I hope others chime in as well.



P.S.  Keep me busy...pfffttt....wiseguy :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 3:13pm

To me the sign that your A is dying is that it started.

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 2:34pm

Yes....'it began" or 'it started'...good ones in hindsight. Too bad we all couldn't have had 20/20 foresight. but alas, we didn't.

It's helpful to start recognizing certain behaviors to alert us to the fact that the affair is now just a runaway train (for those lurkers still riding the A-train or those still thinking they can keep this train on track) so one can jump off and runaway...far away...before it totally derails and lands on top of us. 

Helps too for future relationships to now be able to recognize the warning signs of a trainwreck in the making when we see it...before accepting our ticket to ride :smileyhappy:



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 3:23pm
I'm hijacking here

Hi itstime :smileyhappy:

I see you pop in occasionally...that's nice. It tells me you are reading here...that's good.

What's keeping you from taking the final leap off your trainwreck? We'll catch you.

And guess what? You can call us any time and we will answer your call. You can come to our house for a visit any ole time and join us for coffee. We will never get mad when you share that you miss him. Someone is always here (well most of the time and if not, we'll get back to you) if you want to talk. We will never yell at you for feeling sad. '

Isn't it time you let go of him and let us hold you up 'til you are back on solid ground?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 3:53pm
Hi Itstime,

Don't be ashamed, a lot of us don't get it first time, i didnt. I made it 5 Weeks my first time round, and like you wasn't sure I'd be welcome here or welcomed backed.

As you already know, there are some totally amazing, clever, wise and down right hilarious people on this board, and I learn, laugh and cry every time I come here.

I am now an EAS addict, and can't imagine my life without following these wonderful people through their pain, struggles and successes. I'd love to see you here more regularly - I lurked here for ages before I took the final plunge - your goodness and self respect is what making you keep coming here - follow that instinct .

Keep posting, keep sharing, it really helps


Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 4:28pm
I have been meaning to reply to this so many times but RL keeps coming between me and my now healthy little addiction *sigh* Great thread WGO! I would have to say from the minute it started as well....

Hi ItsTime pls do post in it is time :smileyhappy: and you already know that WGO is one of thee amazing, clever, wise and down right hilarious people on this board :smileyhappy: Hope to see you post in

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 9:26am

When you are reading to jump, just let us know.  I mean it, let us know.  So we can catch youRaise The Roof

and we don't find ourselves with a big clean up from a big splat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 11:37am

I knew mine was going to die when one of my good friends figured out what was going on, got me and xAP together in a room, and said, If I can see it, others can too.

I knew mine was dying when I realized I hated myself and what I had become. That I was making myself sick with stress and self-hatred.

I knew mine was dying when I realized I was resenting having to find a way to email him or leave him a voicemail from my house in the evening when everyone was home and it was difficult to do, but that he would be expecting it.

I knew mine was dying when I realized our relationship was being pushed into a smaller and smaller corner of my life--that it was getting harder and harder to find a time and place that was safe, and that ultimately I had always been the one who was taking the biggest risks and had the most to lose.

I knew mine was dying when I admitted to xAP that I still had sex with my H. I didn't tell him that I still fell asleep every night with my arm around my H. And that I hated myself for being so weak that I couldn't make a decision and stick to it.

And I knew it had died when I saw how easily I was replaced. How important could I possibly have been? And that I wasn't even really a friend, since you would never treat a friend that way.

News flash: Had my blood pressure tested again yesterday (routine dr. visit) and for the first time in nine months (the nine months since I went NC), it was normal. Never in my life had i had high blood pressure, until I had an A.

I love myself, I forgive myself, I free myself. You can too.

Hello, Rather! Hello, Rosie! Still here.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:43pm

Thank you birdsong.  Your reply brought some things up for me.

And, by the way, AWESOME news about your blood pressure.  Pretty amazing, eh?

I knew mine was over when, as birdsong says, our relationship was being pushed into a smaller and smaller corner of my life.  Bingo.  It had gotten down to one or two places where we both frequented, i.e. yoga. XAP always wanted to “hook up” afterwards.  Where was he the other 23 hours of the day?  Duh.

I knew mine was over when I started to feel 2nd.  Light bulb moment!  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh….I’m just a thing on the side.:smileysurprised:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 4:33pm
Alright everyone, go ahead and laugh, and then I'll change my name to "ImaSlowLearner"

Door # 1:
He moved 6000 miles away

Door #2:
Daily contact became weekly

Door #3:
He signed up for match.com

Have a good weekend all!

Still Daisy, 4 now