12 steps to ending A

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
12 steps to ending A
6
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 11:59am

Hello All,

I pulled these steps from an earlier post by DEE. There seem to be many early enders here, and I thought it might be helpful to see steps to take after/beyond just ('simply') ending the A. Just like it was pointed out by another poster, quitting an A without doing the work to get to the deeper reasoning of why, is like being a 'dry alcoholic': you may not be engaging in the addiction anymore, but neither have you gotten sober. Refer to here: http://www.aacanada.com/drydrunk.html

Who wants to stay stuck spinning in the missing, 'poor me that it ended' frame of mind?! Not me!

****

1. We admitted we were powerless over the AFFAIR - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity .

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to ALL AFFAIR ENDERS and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

***

Work these steps with me Enders.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 12:26pm

I've often likened the recovery here to any addiction recovery program.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 12:36pm
Agree Clarity - we redeem ourselves and make ammends to all those we hurt by never ever breaking NC.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 1:01pm

TU,
This is a great post! But, not mine! wish it were!
Thanks for reposting.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 1:04pm

hehe ... so much for being clear!

I meant the 12 steps part of the post.
Wasn't that your thread that listed the 12 steps after attending AA?!

I just added my own spin and 2cents (-:

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

Edited 7/29/2010 1:05 pm ET by transcendingus




Edited 7/29/2010 1:07 pm ET by transcendingus
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 1:12pm
How do I start a new discussion?
I'm new to this.
I've been in an affair for 7 years.
I'm ready to at least start thinking about ending it.
I think he is on vacation with his wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 1:15pm

E2010 - there is a button to the right of the General Discussion title that says 'Start a discussion'

Please introduce yourself and tell us whatever you would like about your situation, and we will be sure to welcome and support you.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou