1.5 years out, but still dealing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
1.5 years out, but still dealing
12
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 10:12am

I was walking out of a store last night on my way home and ran, literally, into a person I know in common with xAP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 10:39am

Hi Dee,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 10:46am

Dee,

I want you to really think hard about this. So what if X is there? So what if H contacts him? You should have enough strength and faith by now to know XAP is not going to cause any problems, and that your fears are unfounded. He has stayed out of your life, as you have his, and after 1.5 years, IMO, it's time to bury the A hatchet, go to the concert and enjoy yourself, turn a blind eye to XAP if you were to spot him, excuse yourself to ladies room if there is run in and H wants to chat with him...whatever it takes. You need to start living without fear still grabbing you around your ankles.

I believe lying to your H to get out of this is FAR WORSE than having a brief encounter with your past. Others may not agree with this, but this is my honest opinion so take it or leave it.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 10:53am

The mess we create....just a friend of exAp can put us in a tailspin eh?

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 11:12am

Dee,

Big deep breath and big hug!

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 11:33am
Dee,

You know that I don't know jack about anything and have no basis for providing tough love. I imagine that I'd hate being around XMW, especially with my W nearby. At this point, I know that I'd book a trip to Aruba or something, but that's me.

That said, you've kicked the A's butt from pillar to post. You've made a solid decision for your life and family. You get it, you've done it and you've helped so many others move forward. I can't imagine that you couldn't muster the strength to go to this event and enjoy it. If you run into X, maybe, just maybe you could even grab your H's hand; you've made your choice.

It strikes me, as others have said, that not going simply keeps giving XAP control. That isn't who you are.

Go forth and rock.

MPV
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 12:02pm

Iddy, et al - I would take the 'take it or leave it' approach to any of Iddy's advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 7:52pm

(( Dee ))

Sorry i'm kinda late but i can relate :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 8:02pm
Dee, you're such an amazing woman, I hate to hear that you're losing sleep over JAM. Is part of your worrying a concern that you have more to lose than he does? That xAP might tell your H something that would put you at risk? Or are you confident that he would act cool? Just trying to understand why this is setting you on edge.

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 11:52pm

Dee-

I'm going against the crowd here.

If its causing you stress, don't go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 05-20-2011 - 10:28am

Heart, thank you for being a strong enough and caring enough person to buck the crowd.

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