18 mos NC and still need support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
18 mos NC and still need support!
18
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 6:01pm

Hello everyone

I have made it 18 mos NC with my ex AP of ten miserable years, give or take, off and on depending on my degree of complicity (no prizes for that one I am afraid).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 2:16pm
actually i meant
"alltheloveicangive2me" as u seem to like numbers!
:)
melinda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 2:32pm

CL-Iddy,

I feel the healing balm already on this baord.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 1:03am

Melinda,

In no way can I give you any better advice than the others. But I want to tell you, please hang around. What you are feeling and struggling with, many of us battled the same war. I so understand the anger and resentment. I understand the insatiable desire to get yourself back and move on with a life that is dignified and has meaning. You an do it.It's been mentioned here on EAS to use that anger is a positve manner. Use it to propell yourself forward. To heck with him !! Melinda, I spent so much time wallowing in my anger and resentment that I let life pass me by. I truly grieve the time I lost during that period. What a waste. Take back your life, you deserve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 1:20am

bandk

thank you so much for your supportive words!

it seems like we are so alone in this anger and these feelings but then it turns out we are not!

i just hope i can try to listen to what is being said here and that i can put the anger to a good use like you mentioned

at this point i don't want the A back anymore, but the anger and resentment are still getting to me, so it is so nice to know i am not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 2:11am

Melinda, of course I wish I had said no to xAP. But really it was me I should have said NO to.

I let the affair happen, it takes 2 to tango. xAP had a way of talking me into to things. He took risks that scared me and put me in positions that could have easily led to a D-day for me. I was angry about that - but I could have said no and meant it. I was angry because I suffered and he seemed to just go on with his high and mighty life. I was an option in his life while I made him my everything for years. I lied, cheated, manipulated and became isolated. At first, I blamed him for my feelings. But as time went on, I begin to realize, he was just being himself. I couldn't change that. I couldn't change his personality, the way he did things or what he said or what he acted like. But I could change the way I felt. And it was crucial I change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:30pm

Bandk:

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:46pm

<< For some reason after he made overtures to my son I felt maybe I was being too bitchy and that I should at least acknowledge him somehow when I go by in some casual way, in order to remain civilized?

But I can't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 9:13pm
bandk73
what a good laugh i had when you read this!

"Put your big girl panties on and get tough. Game on and you are going to win."

I love it.

Yes I need to shut th door and lock it. I have heard it siad on this baord already that being a so-called "bitch" is new behaviour for us OW's but really it is not being a bitch to want what is best for yourself, is it?

It's called healthy self-assertion I believe :)

But I used to have such low self esteem that I never advocated for myself, and especially in my A. I jiust got used to being "silent". I mean I chose silence!
Today I am chooosing healthy self assertion :) and it feels GOOODDDDDDDD.
Damn!

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