18 weeks (yes I still count)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
18 weeks (yes I still count)
2
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:18pm

Hello my friends,

Today marks 18 weeks of NC. I've been in Tweenerville for a while now, and some days I feel like I've come such a long way. Some days, I still look out the window and see fog. It doesn't hover over me like it once did, but I see it in the distance. Almost like I am running from it, and it tries to catch up to me. Why is it chasing me?

I try to nail down the specific things that I miss about xAP, and it still boils down to missing the fantasy. Well, that and the sex. I'm not sure I'll ever get past that part of it.

One of my very good friends confessed to me last week that she has started an A. She is deep in to the EA, but has also started the PA. She is one of the few people who knew of my A, and she was never supportive of it. Now, however, she is wanting to lean on me for support, knowing that I understand what she's going through. I honestly did not know what to say to her.

But maybe that is why my xAP has been on my mind more than usual the past few days, and I can't seem to get completely away from the fog.

Still, no regrets. I'm a better person today. I'm a better mother and a better wife. I go out with my friends and have a good time. There are LONG stretches of time when I don't think about xAP or the A.

Oh, and be proud of me (please!). I have done ZERO cyber stalking. I don't really care what he is doing now, if he's happy with his new wife and new life... I truly don't want to know. I just do what Clarity suggested and tell myself that of course he thinks about me sometimes. How could he not?

Thank you as always for giving me a place to vent. I know I don't post very often, but I lean on you all as much today as I did 18 weeks ago.

Much love and hugs,
Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:39pm

Hi Angel,


Congrats 18 weeks is huge,

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:59am

Hi Angel :)

Congrats on 18 weeks! I can't wait to join you. I think the "fog" chases us because the fantasy is burned deep in our brain and our heart and it takes a lot of time to heal. In time the fog will get tired of running after us, and we are stronger than it is, so keep those track shoes on - I am!

I'm SO sorry your friend decided to go down our path. Since she knew about your A, invite her to come here and read our horror stories. Don't just let her lean on you - if you really care about her give her some tough love. I know I would have given anything for someone to show me my future when I first started my stupid A.

Bodhi