2 and 1/2 hours will be three days!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
2 and 1/2 hours will be three days!
4
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 9:51pm
This is the longest I have EVER gone with NC! Today was great because it was the first day of work I have had to face since I abruptly blocked his emails and IM with no warning to him. The only access he has to me is at work and he didn't contact me nor I him. I was all freaked he would and I wouldn't know how to (or if) to respond but I worried for nada!

I thought I would be upset but from each tick of the clock and no word from him I felt stronger and stronger. By the end of the day I was strutting around like Peacock! I DID IT! FINALLY! I even sent myself a pop up message at 4:45 congratulating myself and it made me feel SO GOOD!



I do have a problem though...He will be in my office next week and I think subconciously, since I know I will be seeing him next week, I can survive the NC until then. We will be in a meeting together...a meeting with very few people in it. I, of course, am fantasizing about him asking me to lunch after and he and I going off in his car and talking quietly and then kissing and crying or some stoooopid crap like that. You know...saying goodbye, "for the last time" blah blah blah. you know what what I am speaking of, Ladies.

I am dicombobulated because I do like him as a person. I enjoy talking to him and we have the same sense of humor, etc, but really, why say goodbye? What is the point? We never said "hello" in the first place! I just will miss his friendship but it is like playing with fire...and gasoline...and straw...and a blow torch...you get the picture. I need some guidance to handle this situation. Shall I be aloof? Distant? Honest? Last time I was honest with him I got the "arms length" from him....or shall I say 10 foot pole...

I would like to think we could get over all of this and be friends some day but now is NOT the time. It is BAD for me and BAD for him...he is working on his marriage and I am working on putting my life together.

Any wisdom out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:14pm
need2bfree

Congrats on making it three days, every day is a step toward being real again.

As to the meeting , be a professional, don't be the first person in the room and don't be the last to leave it, in short don't leave any chance for alone time with XCMM.

You have nothing but a professional relationship with this man now so act like it and don't accept any other treatment from him.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 11:41pm
Dear Need2b--

Ditto what Mefree said -- her advice was right on target. This is the time to act as you would have had the A never happened. Do your job and have an exit strategy for that meeting. Then come online and tell us how it went--we'll be waiting :-)

There is a lot of power in mentally projecting the desired outcome ahead of time. Before the meeting, sit down, close your eyes, and paint a mental picture of how you want that meeting to go. Take some deep breaths before the meeitng and during the meeitng if you need them. Then after the meeting when it has progressed as you planned, give yourself some sort of small reward.

You will do wonderfully well :-)

free since 9-04

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 6:12am
Thanks to both of you for saying what I knew but needed to hear (as usual)...but HERE is the rub...I got busted (actually, just me) making excessive long distance phone calls to his direct line at work. We are known by my boss and a couple others to be very friendly to each other(not A friendly, but buddies). He ALWAYS greets me with a hug when he sees me. I guess I can shut my office door and act like I am REALLLY busy before the meeting and then scoot in right before it starts and then beeline for the door when it breaks up, but I don't want things to look weird, especially since the excuse I gave my boss for all the calls was that he and I work closely together on things since we have the same position (just in different cities) and admitted that we do talk sports and about our kids at times but mixed into work conversation.

Any insight? I "need2" get through that day!

Need2

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 8:43am
Need

Leave a few last minute things to do before the meeting that will keep you busy, seeing or talking to other people so that you really will be busy just up to the beginning of the meeting, plan something that has to be done just after even if it is lunch with a girlfriend.

Use your imagination.

Free