2 weeks LC....struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
2 weeks LC....struggling
30
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 12:20pm

Hey all - need to splurge .....

Am having a downer of a day today - really am struggling to refocus and keep mind away from xAP (who is my manager at work)

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 10:46am
Blueclouds and Yellowone...
Unfortunately I am having a bad day so far, I have to work with him today. I know I should be relieved that he spends most of his shift avoiding me but it seems to bring it all up again and it hurts like crazy!!!! I am not even at work yet and I am anxious and nauseous about it. SO sick of this.
On another note, I hope you both have better days!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:18am
Hey blue

Better day today - he's not in but will be tomorrow. Working hard not to respond in anyway - some of my emails from him can be friendly - but am not responding. Not like they were and not yet fishing but still inviting a friendly reply. Do they always fish? Read alot about it and with no contact seems to be the assumption it will happen.

Just holding on to feeling stronger today - hope seeing him tomorrow won't set me back. Guess will slowly get used to it. I know we are worth more.

Hope you are having a good day too Tuff. Let us know how you are doing.

yellowone xx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:21am
Tuff - our posts overlapped. Sorry you are feeling rough. Am anticipating same tomorrow. Remember to hold head high , he does NOT matter, you are above this and you can do this. Breathe through the hurt and post here - will be checking for you!!!

Yellowone xxxx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 12:12pm
Tuff......sorry your day is starting out rough. What I can suggest is this...turn the tables on your thinking....instead of thinking of him avoiding you, try to think of it as "thank God I don't have to see him. I'm gonna avoid him at all costs, cause he's toxic to me". Take your power back! You WILL do this AND succeed.He's JAM. Don't let it be HIS decision whether or not you have a good day. Screw him...It WILL be a good day for you because you are making the decisions in your life. He will no longer dictate your mood. Hang in there and be strong..you have it in you.
Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 12:20pm
Hey yellow....I'm always glad when xAP doesn't come in. It is such a feeling of freedom. I feel like myself again, if only for a day. I would be cautious about his friendly emails. He could be " feeling you out" to see how you will respond. Yes, they do fish. It is not always as obvious as my xAP did last week " do you wanna meet up?", but alot of times just seeing where they stand to see if they still have an "opening" in case they are interested in a quickie again. Don't give him the green light to start up his overly friendly emails again. Keep it strictly professional. Let him know thru your responses that you are no longer interested. And as they say " fake it till you make it". It is SO easy to fall into the train of thought where we can be nice. They are JAMS. They will ALWAYS read more into it. Be strong.You CAN do this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 12:46pm

((BC))

I love the way you are "getting it!" Yes, they fish, and no, it's not flattering.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 12:49pm
Hiya - sound advice. Guess it just seems strange when they end it to be friendly. I think you are right. He has been a bit surprised by my LC which was immediate. I think he thought we wouldvjust go back to as pre-affair. Giving no green light as think it could easily fall back into chatting ( don't think more). isn't it a bit soon given that he ended it??

Regardless- it doesn't matter. Just wanted to make sure what I am on guard against as is not overt or frequent. Guess this is a prob with LC.

You are right in that we like to be nice. Think I read a Kat post where she talks of being good not nice. So we will be good.

Thanks for taking time to reply - this board is keeping me holding on.

theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 12:54pm
You are right iddy. We know what you say to be true and are doing our hardest to get there.

theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 1:01pm

I just want to say I wish you strength and courage in dealing with this situation. I think avoidance as much as possible is a good way to go. I avoided my ap until I had a turnaround in thought and could see through him. Then it didn't really matter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 6:04pm
They don't always fish, but as our resident Boy Scout RatherBeMe will tell you, you have to BE PREPARED. Women here have had xAPs confront them in front of colleagues, wait for them beside their cars, turn up on their front doorstep at home, call from unlisted numbers ... the list goes on. And it's not a compliment or a sign of his undying love. It just means that he's craving another fix of feelgoods and hoping that you still have so little respect for yourself that you'll give him that fix. Getting the goods from you is less effort than finding someone new. And you deserve so much more than that!! (And so do your families.)

So please, be prepared. Have a plan to walk away, have a script to say "I can't talk with you. I need to go", and have the backbone to stay true to your values anytime, anywhere.

And if he doesn't fish, be grateful that he is showing you some respect and allowing you to heal.

Big hugs to you all

Kat.