2 weeks of NC...hurts so much
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2 weeks of NC...hurts so much
| Fri, 06-25-2004 - 7:54pm |
I'm new here...so I'll give my story. About a year ago I looked up an old friend of mine. Someone I'd always connected with well, but never felt romantic about. Well, we are both married with kids, live 1000 miles apart, but he started flirting with me online and it grew from there. We have only been physically intimate once. But in April he confessed the affair to his W, who filed for divorce the next day. Shortly thereafter I told my husband because I was ready to leave the marriage. He convinced me to stay and work on our marriage through counseling. However, my OM then was so hurtful to me...said I used him for sex, that I lured him in (though it was quite the opposite) and said I was addicted to sex, that I was "all over the net" with other guys. None of this was true...and I tried to tell him so to no avail. So today it's been 2 weeks of NC...and I miss him so much. I still love him even after all that. He has a personals ad on yahoo and I look at it almost every day just to see his face. When will I not feel so strongly? I have known him for 10 years and it is so hard to just give him up completely.

If you keep looking at that picture your going to have a very hard time getting over this, it is setting you back to square one every time you look at it.
Good luck
When a person is irrational about a situation (accusing you unfairly for something and refusing to listen to your honest reply) they are trying to deflect their own insecurities towards you as if it was all your fault that things ended badly. In fact, the more you "plead" your side of the story the stronger he will feel. He may need to hear that he was "the only one" for his own failing ego. The sad news for him is that the false sense of self esteem he may get from your pleading is short lived.
No contact is the time for you to heal. You have a choice. Repair your marriage or start making plans for a new (single) life of your own. Individual counseling might be a good way for you to find the answer.
It is easy for me to sit here and offer you advice. My A ended a LONG time ago and I visit this board because even after all this time I still have some feelings for him. But I also know that it ended for a REASON. He is still married to a woman he claims to have no feelings for and because he is terrified to start over financialy he isnt going anywhere. Anyway, enough of my rant... I want other girls that are still raw and in pain from the end of an affair to know that in time it will be easier.
Do yourself a favor and stop looking at his ad(s). My goodness he was in a hurry to date! Occupy your mind by cleaning out a messy closet or repaint your bedroom walls. Imagine that you are allergic to him. You go out of your way to avoid things you are allergic to don't you??
When you fill the void that prompted you to look outside your marriage, you will find that you are happier than you have ever been.
You are the only person that can make you happy.
Keep your chin up!