2 wks and doing OK

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
2 wks and doing OK
8
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:45pm
Today marks the two week mark for my NC. I am still having a rough week but I haven't broken down and contacted OM. H is still trying to deal with things and has totally withdrawn from me, but I have been giving him his space. I believe that the way H is acting is just increasing my desire to be with OM, so if that is the case I will fight it.

I went out at lunch to get some air and stopped at a card store, OM's birthday is coming up. Instead I found a card to give to H. This is what the card said:

I wish I could go back in time…

back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship

before hurt ever touched our hearts,

before doubt ever entered our minds.

Because if I could go back

and start from those moments once more,

I would hold you longer, never miss a chance

to tell you how much you mean to me…..

and I would never, ever hurt you.

But I know we can’t go back to those days.

I know I can’t erase the mistakes.

I can’t take away the questions you must have

or the hurt we both feel.

But I can assure you of one thing:

I Love you –

as I did then and as I always will

Suzanne Berry

I am going to put it into his work bag before he leaves for work tonight. I know that this card can't even begin to make things right, but at least H will know I was thinking of him, right? Well I guess I just wanted to give an update and get more support so I don't mess up. If I don't have a chance to check in this weekend, hope that everyone's weekend is great.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:36pm
Daf

Keep planting seeds of love into your husbands heart, they will bare fruit in time if you are patient.

It is written what you sew is what you reap, so keep sewing into your marriage good seeds and not weeds that will choke the life out of it.

Continue to break up the soil of your heart so that in due time your husband can easly plant his own seeds of love.

Free


Edited 9/25/2004 4:56 pm ET ET by mefreenow

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 11:53am
2 weeks...good for you! Keep celebrating every day that goes by in which you don't contact him.

Its been almost 5 weeks since the end of my A. I caved and contacted him once after about 3 weeks but resisted the urge to do so again. I was dying from not talking to him for the first few weeks, but after breaking NC once, its been SOOOO much easier. I don't know why...I guess after we argued I knew 100% that it was over (unlike the first time we broke up). It was a relief and I needed that closure...but I should not have broken NC.

My H never found out, thankfully, so I don't have to deal with that, but it sounds like you are handling it well. I do silently try to be good to my H, because the guilt I feel is so tremendous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 4:10pm
Free,

Thanks for the encouragement. I did put the card in H's bag and he did read it (I looked in his work bag) but he never even mentioned it to me. Matter of fact he worked OT instead of coming home. Was it a wasted jester? H is still acting distant and the other day I was telling him something (I can't remember what it was but it probably had to do with DD) and he just walked away in the middle of one of my sentences. Whatever, I didn't say anything to him just continued doing what I was doing. I don't get it, he is the one that said he wanted to work on our M and it is like he has checked out. I have been trying really hard, but I have to tell you that I can't do it alone and unless he starts doing his share of the rebuilding, I don't think we have a chance. I am starting IC next week and have suggested to H that maybe he should go and talk to someone, but he says he doesn't need to.

I have been trying and I will continue to try but the way H is acting is making me want to run to OM really bad. I haven't and I will try not to but it is tempting. I also know that OM is not the solution here and I am trying to be strong. Any suggestions? I will continue to try as hard as it is getting and I do know that with the support I get here I can do it.

Thanks everyone,

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 4:49pm
Has it only been 2 weeks since he found out? If so I'd say you need to give him WAY more time. From what I've read on other boards, it can take months, more like years, for BS's to get past an A. Maybe you should read some of the BS boards to get an idea of what your H is going through.

I would keep up the gestures...but know that from his perspective, its going to take probably longer for him to heal than for you to stop missing the OM. Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 5:11pm
Yes this week will make it 3 weeks. I do know it is going to take time but even the first week he wasn't acting like he is now. I guess I don't have any choice but to give him time and I will. I just have to get over these feelings of running to OM. I have read some on the BS board but it is still all new and it hurts to read about the hurt caused by these A's so I am not over there often.

Thanks for your two cents, this board is what is keeping me sane. It is what is making me see that I can and will get past this.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 6:55am
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you this morning. I am sure your husband is going through the same roller coaster of emotions that we go through after ending an A. I can't tell you how many times I have been ok then within minutes crying, then angry, etc. He is probably mad.....very mad..which means he is going through the emotions. Try and stay focused on what is important --your M. I know this board has helped me tremendously, and I visit it often. don't run to OM. If you did, and H found out, he would realize that he and the M weren't worth it to you.

Good Luck - thinking of you,

:) Frisco

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:52am
Hi Frisco, thanks for thinking of me, last night was tough but I am not going to break NC. You are right H is trying to deal with all of his emotions and I am trying to hold it together for all of our sakes. I know H has every right to be acting anyway he wants but I just don't see it as productive towards working on our M. I do know that I have to let him work thru these things at his own pace in his own way. This board is very helpful and I am here all the time, lurking, posting getting support. Trust me I do know the consequences of running to OM and I will not do that, everything I have is worth a lot more to me then a few hours of not thinking of "real life".

How are you doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:05am
Yesterday I was great. Didn't think of him every second. Today, I'm a little iffy. I keep coming here and reading up to reinforce in my head that what I am doing is the right thing. In my heart, I want to tuck my tail between my legs and beg him to hold me. When I start thinking about things, I try to remember those awful times when my heart hurt so bad during the relationship that I felt like I couldn't breathe - when I saw him with his children, when i saw him hugging his wife....

I'm on day 8 of NC. I am teetering between sanity and eating an entire chocolate cake. The strange thing is that I KNOW I can do this. Before I found this board, I didn't think of things in a realistic sense. I only thought about the sex, the way he made me feel beautiful, and all the sappy crap that came out of his mouth.

This board makes you see the reality of the situation. What an eye opener. I feel completely empowered when I am here...like I can take on anything. I would wear a superwoman cape to work to feel stronger, but I think my boss would frown on that. (client's have problems taking you seriously when you wear a super hero costume...go figure)

WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

:) Frisco