2 wks and doing OK
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| Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:45pm |
I went out at lunch to get some air and stopped at a card store, OM's birthday is coming up. Instead I found a card to give to H. This is what the card said:
I wish I could go back in time…
back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship
before hurt ever touched our hearts,
before doubt ever entered our minds.
Because if I could go back
and start from those moments once more,
I would hold you longer, never miss a chance
to tell you how much you mean to me…..
and I would never, ever hurt you.
But I know we can’t go back to those days.
I know I can’t erase the mistakes.
I can’t take away the questions you must have
or the hurt we both feel.
But I can assure you of one thing:
I Love you –
as I did then and as I always will
Suzanne Berry
I am going to put it into his work bag before he leaves for work tonight. I know that this card can't even begin to make things right, but at least H will know I was thinking of him, right? Well I guess I just wanted to give an update and get more support so I don't mess up. If I don't have a chance to check in this weekend, hope that everyone's weekend is great.
DAF

Keep planting seeds of love into your husbands heart, they will bare fruit in time if you are patient.
It is written what you sew is what you reap, so keep sewing into your marriage good seeds and not weeds that will choke the life out of it.
Continue to break up the soil of your heart so that in due time your husband can easly plant his own seeds of love.
Free
Edited 9/25/2004 4:56 pm ET ET by mefreenow
Its been almost 5 weeks since the end of my A. I caved and contacted him once after about 3 weeks but resisted the urge to do so again. I was dying from not talking to him for the first few weeks, but after breaking NC once, its been SOOOO much easier. I don't know why...I guess after we argued I knew 100% that it was over (unlike the first time we broke up). It was a relief and I needed that closure...but I should not have broken NC.
My H never found out, thankfully, so I don't have to deal with that, but it sounds like you are handling it well. I do silently try to be good to my H, because the guilt I feel is so tremendous.
Thanks for the encouragement. I did put the card in H's bag and he did read it (I looked in his work bag) but he never even mentioned it to me. Matter of fact he worked OT instead of coming home. Was it a wasted jester? H is still acting distant and the other day I was telling him something (I can't remember what it was but it probably had to do with DD) and he just walked away in the middle of one of my sentences. Whatever, I didn't say anything to him just continued doing what I was doing. I don't get it, he is the one that said he wanted to work on our M and it is like he has checked out. I have been trying really hard, but I have to tell you that I can't do it alone and unless he starts doing his share of the rebuilding, I don't think we have a chance. I am starting IC next week and have suggested to H that maybe he should go and talk to someone, but he says he doesn't need to.
I have been trying and I will continue to try but the way H is acting is making me want to run to OM really bad. I haven't and I will try not to but it is tempting. I also know that OM is not the solution here and I am trying to be strong. Any suggestions? I will continue to try as hard as it is getting and I do know that with the support I get here I can do it.
Thanks everyone,
DAF
I would keep up the gestures...but know that from his perspective, its going to take probably longer for him to heal than for you to stop missing the OM. Just my two cents.
Thanks for your two cents, this board is what is keeping me sane. It is what is making me see that I can and will get past this.
DAF
Good Luck - thinking of you,
:) Frisco
How are you doing?
I'm on day 8 of NC. I am teetering between sanity and eating an entire chocolate cake. The strange thing is that I KNOW I can do this. Before I found this board, I didn't think of things in a realistic sense. I only thought about the sex, the way he made me feel beautiful, and all the sappy crap that came out of his mouth.
This board makes you see the reality of the situation. What an eye opener. I feel completely empowered when I am here...like I can take on anything. I would wear a superwoman cape to work to feel stronger, but I think my boss would frown on that. (client's have problems taking you seriously when you wear a super hero costume...go figure)
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
:) Frisco