20-25lbs of depression
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| Sun, 05-02-2010 - 11:11am |
OMFG, I finally got on the scale this morning and realized that I have gained 20-25 lbs since November (the break up). I am freaking out! I didn't gain more than 30lbs during ANY of my three pregnancies, and they were all 9 pounders! I knew I was chunking up, none of my clothes fit me -- I mean, NONE. I'm on my way to Target today to spend money I don't have on emergency work clothes. I am so depressed and pissed with myself!
I have never weighed this much without a reason, like post pregnancy. And, although, it did take me two years to get back to my fighting weight after #3, I wasn't beating myself up too much because I had two kids in 2 years. I can blame the Paxil a bit; my appetite is insatiable - however, that excuse only goes so far, because, really, I have been making horrible food choices and just not giving a sh*t. I was/am depressed - feeling like nobody cares what I look like anyway - feeling ugly on the inside and not caring what I looked like on the outside - probably also subconsciously sabotaging my attractiveness to keep attention at bay.... whatever the f'd up reasons, doesn't matter! I am disgusted with myself for letting myself go and I am determined to get back on track. I've never tried to lose this much weight before in such a short amount of time - I have my brother's wedding on a tropical island the first week of June and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my first real vacation in years and years hiding under a muumuu and hating my fat face in all the pictures.
So, I have two things to sort out: 1) how did I let this depression, or whatever, take over my life to the point where I got to this point, and 2) how do I take off this weight in 5 weeks! Holy cow.
Ladies just ending your As, please keep an eye on your health and self-image. Don't let yourself go to pot just because you're blue. Believe me, you will regret it if you neglect yourself - because once the fog lifts and you're not focused almost entirely on just getting over the A, you will want to want to feel pretty again (inside AND out) and that's hard to do if you've just blown out the a$$ of your jeans. BTDT.
Off to the gym (embarrassed that I look like a stuffed sausage in my spandex),
Dee

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Wishing you well on your newest journey of losing weight and weaning off Paxil.
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