20 days success!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
20 days success!
8
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 8:18pm

Today is 20 days no contact and the longest we've gone without at least talking in a year. Today was really hard, he lives in a small town where I have to go once a month. I went today with the crazy battle in my head,,, "just one more time won't hurt",,, "no way",,,, you know the battle. Well I WON!! Done with my appt and left town. :smileyhappy:

I have an amazing vacation coming up next week and I'm so excited! Not going to ruin it with any new hurts!

I still don't understand the 'why', but I know there's a part of me that wants to sabotoge my life, but I'm the one in control. I have so much to be grateful for, I have everything I need, I'm healthy, a great home, job, opportunities of my dreams, I'm in great shape and I have the control to keep ahold of what I have. No one, not even the crazy part of me is going to mess it up!!

Thanks RBM, your messages are sinking in, it really is up to ME!

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 9:06pm

20 days, woot woot!!

I like that conversation you had going on between your heart, which takes a bit longer to catch up, with your head...logic won out!

I like, too, that you are remembering to be grateful  for what sounds like a lot going for you.  You're going to have a great vacation now!

Keep it hummin', k.

((hugs))

Clarity


Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 10:17pm

Good, tomorrow will be three weeks. 

It is all because you have been strong.

Keep up the good work, and you'll be patting yourself on the back, because you will be stronger yet.  It gets easier.

Rather....

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:48pm
Great job K! if you can defeat the one in your head you are way ahead!! Enjoy the any things you have in place and bring on day 21!
Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 8:11pm

Thank you everyone.

Today is 21 days, 3 weeks.

I think I've had ALL the emotions one can have today. I spent time with my xH and family this afternoon, his mom is dying. Afterwards I wanted to call xap and tell him off to say thanks for ruining my life, while he goes back to his.  I know, I made choices and blah, blah...

I'm just exhausted, I want to just live in the now and stop the crazy. I just want to talk to him and feel better. But it won't make me feel better, it would just hurt all over again....

Just stop and get out of my head!!! :smileysad:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 8:56pm

21 days!  Awesome, K!

I sorry you are dealing with the imminent death of your husband's mother...can't be easy on top of everything else.

Maybe you can start journaling.  I found that incredibly helpful...that will help get it out of your head.  Sometimes, I couldn't function properly until I could get home to journal...I felt so much better afterwards.  Write it all out...everything you need to say.  It can be a good way to be able to look back and see the process you are making on a daily basis.  Now, if you live alone and so there is no fear of anyone reading it, then that's cool.  But if you don't and someone could happen upon it, well then, not so cool.  So just write it down on paper and then burn it into the Universe.  I did a lot of that too.  I'm sure the neighbors were wondering what was going on..."There she is again...burning something."  Or you can even say what you want to say directly to the Universe.  If you need to get physical, with no punching bag around, you can always grab some old pillow, draw a silly face on it, designate it JAM and beat the evaluvin' stuffing out of it.  If I see a feather or two floating around, I'll know you used the pillow technique :smileyhappy:

But you got to get your anger out and get through it...particularly in his direction...he stopped hurting you or ruining your life, as you put it, when it ended.  We don't want you to continue on with the ruination.   And we certainly don't want you stuck in any anger...even with yourself. We want you to start to move foward to find peace and harmony in your life.  And that's going to take some introspection on your part, time, focus and energy. 

You have a whole life ahead of you no matter your history.  You can't change your past, you can only learn from it and use the experience to make for a better future.

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

edited because I repeated myself.


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 11:22pm

21 days!  You got this, Ksmiles.  I have the same crazies in my head, too.  Like Clarity said, say it out to the universe, sometimes it helps to say it out loud to get it out of your head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 7:17am

Thanks Clarity.

I do journal a few different ways. I have a book that I write in, then I also type on word, and sometimes type and email a friend of mine. It does help some. In the book I put wrote a note in the front of it that says "this is primarily positive affirmations and positive thoughts but it is private and if anything should happen to me, please destroy without reading, thank you" Guess it depend who would come across it if they read or not. I have sons though, they would just toss it most likely! I do live alone though, so I don't worry about it now.

I used to go to the gym and I would see the big punching bags and think I'd really like to punch on that, but I'd probably break my hand!! Need to find some boxing gloves. The other night I felt like running, so I went out and ran, felt good at the time.

Thanks for just listening and responding, it just helps to get it out of my head and have someone who knows what I'm talking about respond. My friend that I email, understands to a point,,,

Got to get ready for work.. have a good day

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 7:20am

thanks RNM. I do say my affirmations out loud daily and that helps. I have yelled in the car a few times, that's the only safe place to yell it out. I live in an apartment and feel like people could hear me if I really let it out!

Have a great day