23 Yrs & he threw AP under the bus

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
23 Yrs & he threw AP under the bus
15
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 10:26am

For what it's worth, I wanted to share this story.

My DH has a long time M buddy who has been invovled with a single woman for over 23 years. "Bob" would not leave his wife and children but continued to see "Sue" for all these years. They saw each other about twice a week. About 7 years ago, Sue bought a new home within 10 minutes of Bob. Bob has always told my husband that he loved her dearly but because of his obligations at home, he couldn't leave his wife. He said Sue understood this and was happy with their arrangement.

Bob's wife became suspicious a few years ago and confronted him. Bob convinced his wife there was nothing for her to worry about. Fast forward to this past week. Bob's wife somehow found out and managed to follow Bob to Sue's house. Bob's wife waited and then knocked at the door. D-Day.

My point to sharing this story is what happens next. This is a classic example of getting thrown under the bus.

Bob was caught. After 23 years of getting away with the affair, it was time to face his wife at the front door of his AP's house. Bob explained to my husband that he turned to Sue and in front of his wife, told Sue, their affair was over. He told Sue "I have to make my marriage work". Sue was devastated and in between sobs, kept asking Bob why, why, why, after all these years. Bob's wife was still standing at the front door. EAS'ers, the "why" was standing at the front door. Bob told Sue goodbye and he and his wife left.

Bob explained to my husband that he has now recommitted himself to his wife. He realizes he has to be fully engaged in his marriage to her to make it work. And he his determined to make it up to his wife. Bob says he will never see or speak to Sue again.

If this story is not a full blown example of getting thrown under the bus, then what is? I had to share this for those who think
" but he loves me ".
No, even after a 23 year affair, this man was totally capable of throwing Sue, the love of his life, under the bus. Bob returns home with his tail between his legs, promising to be a good boy. Sue is left on the floor sobbing uncontrollably and trying to understand what just happened. She has thrown 23 years of her single life away. For what? Twice a week she spent a few hours with Bob. They even managed a few trips together and her grown children knew him well. According to Bob, she was happy with the situation but occasionally longed for a more permanent relationship between them. Bob had his cake and eating it too. He had a basket full of excuses why he couldn't and wouldn't leave his family. I know Bob. I know Bob's wife. Bob is a good man and loves his children dearly. But this is a classic "throwing you under the bus" example. Bob left Sue at her front door and returned home to his wife and family where his real, honest commitments were.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 12:07pm

Exactly. Bob played and well, when the game was up, he went home.

Sue played the game. She lost what she thought she "had". But Bob was never hers and he made that abundantly clear when he threw her under the bus at her own front door. You play, you pay.

The story no doubt continues as Bob's wife tries to make sense of the last 23 years of her marriage to cheating, lying Bob.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 1:38pm

My heart goes out to Bob's W. That poor woman will suffer greatly over a M that has been a 23 year lie.


As far as Bob goes, he just got away with something much longer than others of like-mind. Most L-O-N-G term affairs that are going on

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 2:20pm

Iddy, I've asked myself the same question regarding Bob's AP, Sue.

Apparently she had a troubled first marriage and vowed to never marry again. Maybe "Bob" was safe because he was married. She certainly must have felt safe to stay in a long term affair like that. Or as we all know addicted to it.

I posted this story hoping others would read it and as we all know - all affairs do end. This one was a classic example of getting thrown under the bus. Sue will spend countless hours, days and months trying to make sense of it all. Bob just goes home. Bob's wife is no doubt suffering more than Sue. I do know that Bob's own marriage was lacking. But how could he mend that when his attentions were elsewhere for so many years. One of the saddest stories my husband told me was Bob made an early morning visit to Sue just before he left with his wife on a trip celebrating their anny.

Reading EAS for so long and of course experiencing my own affair, has left me quick to judge others involved in affairs. Maybe I'm not really judging, but understanding the real dynamics of an affair. In Bob's case, knowing both him and his wife, it really saddens me. But I also have anger towards him. I want to shake him and say how could you be so selfish and stupid.

Iddy, I'm doing fine. College football season is almost here and no doubt I'll see xAP prancing up and down the sidelines, clamoring for more TV air time of himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:06pm

"Iddy, I'm doing fine. College football season is almost here and no doubt I'll see xAP prancing up and down the sidelines, clamoring for more TV air time of himself."

You just made me laugh - how freaking funny is that.

Glad to hear you are doing well (-:

My best to you,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:05am

I am also happy to hear you are doing fine. As far as Xmm goes, somethings never change, eh?


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


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