This 24x7 emotional rollercoaster....
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| Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:53am |
I don't understand it. While I was in the A, I would think about MM often and smile then get back on with my day. However since I have decided I want to end the A, I can't get MM out of my head!! It is making me really angry, mad & crazy! As you may know I was going to try to get him to travel the 1000 miles to tell him in person. I have now also wrote a letter however it is JMHO that writing or phoning is a kind of cop out. Stand up, take it on the chin kinda stuff, you know? I'm that kind of gal.
He rang yesterday while I was in an appt and left a VM, then we spent the rest of the day playing telephone tag. I texted at around 3 asking him to call asap. Then today I left a VM saying we need to talk please call by end of day. Well its 10.30pm now, whats the guessing I'm not going to get a call tonight?
I have decided that if I don't hear by tomorrow afternoon I am going to email the letter and just leave it at that. He has never not called, but then I suppose the tone of my messages has probably been different to what he is used to. Can I take a bit of jab at him? Maybe he thinks I am P!!!!! ROFLOL. I'm not of course, but it seems I've scared him away.
The main issue is just the fact that this split is overtaking my life, my work, my kids - I want it to happen now, but I am still giving him chances to get back to me. He has less than 24 hours though so who knows.
Sorry guys - just venting this evening, tired I think....
Hope everyones ok today
Liz

I remember you wanting to confront him and let him know what he has caused you, but it dosen't really matter if you do or don't confront him. With me, the stronger I got the more he backed down. Also the more I started questioning, the more he wanted to "do the right thing" and have less contact. Even when we did have contact I couldn't ignore the things that I had overlooked in the past. I found myself judging everything he said and did for truthfullness. I could see his lies so easily and I didn't fall for his little games anymore.
It really is about you and accepting the truth of what the A really was. Do what you need to to help yourself move forward into a new life. Once you truly let it go you feel so free.
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So go ahead and make it happen. There is nothing stopping you. Don't let him control one more day of your life. You don't need him to end it. If it is over to you then nothing he can say will matter.