2.5 Weeks NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2010
2.5 Weeks NC
2
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 3:55pm

2 1/2 weeks NC. Crazy. Had this been 2 months ago, there is NO WAY I would have been able to go for this long without writing him, but now I have. Actually, he made it easy. Well, him and reading everyones posts!

That said, I find myself missing him a lot today. Actually, I should say missing the high of the A. I read GMLB post on silence is strength...and I found that incredibly helpful at the exact moment I needed it.

I have also been reading the MAS board and reading those posts makes me SOOOOO happy that I decided to get out of it! It actually brings back the feeling of what it was like being in the A, and that feeling was just horrible. So as much as I think I miss him, I know I don't. I know I will stay NC.

I wondered for 17 years what he was really like...and now I have found out. What I have learned is though he has made a nice life for himself despite a less than nice start in his youth, he has not changed. I mean, how can you when you refuse to see outside your neat and tidy little box. How can you when you don't want to learn about yourself or see things from anothers perspective? Just because someone does not agree with you does not make them wrong....just as it does not make you right. That right there, him not understanding perspective, started many a disagreement with us. Sometimes it would take a week for him to get the fact that I am not saying I am right or wrong. I would just say what I felt on whatever subject we were discussing and he would totally take it out of context too. Now that I think about it, he probably has never had a deep discussion with anyone in his life!

Anyway, I just needed to talk a bit. I can only talk to myself for so long!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
In reply to: itsjustme77
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 7:51pm

IJM,


I continue to read MAS for the same reason as you: to remind myself of how I NEVER want to feel again.


Congratulations on 2.5 weeks! That is a very big achievement. I think getting past the first three weeks is the most difficult; hopefully it'll keep getting better/easier for you, although you'll probably experience a really bad day here and there, like you are now. It's all part of the healing process.


I had an A with an xap I hadn't seen in 20 years. And you know what I discovered? He really wasn't all that, either.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2010
In reply to: itsjustme77
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 10:49am
I'm just starting out and reading but your right, what was so great about my XMM that I held on to these memories for the past 18 yrs.