3 days in to tweenerville my Dday hits
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3 days in to tweenerville my Dday hits
| Mon, 10-11-2010 - 1:14pm |
So xAPs W deciced out of the blue to contact my H tonight and told him everything..needless to say he is gutted the children are inconsolable ..i am the devil incarnate and he has kicked me out how do i make him listen ...how do i make him see we had already chosen spouse and family over xAPhe is talking divorce..i had started the hard yards...we had re. ..connected...things were good .. . ir eache? d93 days now this....cr@p H wont even talk to me..hates me wants a D...says he will find a lawyer tomorrow what do i do? He knows i love him..that i want my family i guess balls in Hs court now
NC x
NC x

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nocompromises-
I am so so sorry you are going through this.
OMG, (((NC))), I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. I know there's nothing else I can say right now to make you feel better. Just know that your H is reacting as most do in the initial shock stages. He will need time to absorb what has happened and hopefully he will come to his senses. I've only read of one gal on EAS who's H walked out the door and never wanted anything to do with her again, but there were no kids involved.
I'll be praying for you, honey. Where will you be staying? Do you have family nearby? Gosh, I am just so sorry this had to happen to you....now, after everything you've tried to do to make it better. :smileysad:
We love you, NC.
Oh boy, how awful for you.
NC...so, so sorry to hear this.
((((NC))))!
ok it is 2.45am here cant sleep so came to EAS....i am trying to breathe deeply...i am at a friends house ..that we holidayed with ...mum in UK ...kids with his mum and dad...i know his initial response is understandable ...i know E1 says there r no rules ....edited ...xap was spineless........then came home to face the music and since H was highly verbally abusive towards the end when he asked/told me to leave i did even his mum saw his outburst and told me later he needs anger mngt and he told me friends H that he had been wrong to tell children the way he did
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
(((NC)))
May our collective strength & courage reach you.
I have been where you are, and I can relate to the absolute pain and horror you are feeling. I've said it many times: no one knows the pain of the consequences of your affair until you literally see your family explode. I remember the day our children were told my husband was leaving like it was yesterday - i had to talk my then 11 year old off our back roof. Not that he was going to jump - but he couldn't face us. I remember the look on their faces, and I can still hear their sobs some evenings. So, yes, I know the pain all too well.
However, it has now been over a year and we are flourishing as co-parents. It is not easy for any of us, but we did the most important things right. We never let the children see us fight or argue, nor were they (nor will they) be told about the reason we were separating. Their feelings were validated and they were/are repeatedly reminded that the issues were between the adults and their only concern was to express their feelings as they needed to. We held their rage & held their fears. Their feelings were never dismissed, nor did we make promises we couldn't keep.I surrounded them with love from other families when we needed to get our sh%t together. You need to think of who you can trust right now to help you and the children through this time. I believe the hardest thing for my children was seeing me so sad. I am grateful that friends took my children for playdates and sleepovers so that I could have space to collect myself.
Your husband's reaction and initial pain, hurt and frustration may settle in the days to come. I think it often does. Then will come the overwhelming sadness and incredible disbelief. He may want to know every last detail. I suggest getting into IC immediately and even some counseling for the children. Talking to a layer is not a bad idea either; although I don't think your H will follow through on a divorce just yet. You know him best though and you know what you need to do to protect yourself.
This is that moment - the moment we all dreaded and lived in fear of. The truth is coming to the surface and there is no where to hide NC. Let the truth come out and don't disclose in bits and pieces. In my opinion, that is far more painful for the BS. There will be little hope of ever getting things right (again) or even a friendship if you don't start to repair the damage you've done through being open. I believe they can tell you are holding back, and/or minimizing.Remember to remind yourself: you are an amazing woman who made some very bad choicesl however, these choices no longer define you as a woman, mother or partner. You are worthy of love.
And like Dee said, if you are worried in any way about your safety or the children's, please find a safe place to stay until this critical phase of the crisis passes. It will pass NC. You have to dig in now like never before. You can do this. We all have your back and will be there will you to help hold you up when you feel unable to crawl.
Please keep us posted as you can.
With tremendous care & concern,
TU.
God NC I wish I could be there to just hug you.
NC,
I've been through a d-day
Dear NC,
I am stunned and just crushed for you.
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