3 days in to tweenerville my Dday hits

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
3 days in to tweenerville my Dday hits
56
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 1:14pm
So xAPs W deciced out of the blue to contact my H tonight and told him everything..needless to say he is gutted the children are inconsolable ..i am the devil incarnate and he has kicked me out how do i make him listen ...how do i make him see we had already chosen spouse and family over xAPhe is talking divorce..i had started the hard yards...we had re. ..connected...things were good .. . ir eache? d93 days now this....cr@p H wont even talk to me..hates me wants a D...says he will find a lawyer tomorrow what do i do? He knows i love him..that i want my family i guess balls in Hs court now
NC x

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 9:08pm

Thank you all sooo much for your responses....they are all read and appreciated.. i am stuffed, havent slept, eaten, drunk and certainly no alcohol...

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 9:25pm

Sounds like your H is doing the normal BS stuff.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 9:55pm

Oh NC i can't believe i am reading this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 9:59pm

I sit here and can feel for you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 10:45pm

Dear NC

I have no experience that qualifies me to give you advice of any sort but I hope you feel my love as I think of you. Everyone here has given so many words of encouragement and support that there is little for me to add. But I do want to say this, even if it is a repeat of what anyone else has said: (1) children first, (2) deep breathing, (3) visualize the ending point. It WILL come to some sort of a resolution. Neither joy nor sorrow lasts forever. Please keep us updated and stay safe. Will be thinking of you and checking back here as often as I can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 12:41am

Holy crap NC!!! Nothing like getting caught after the fact... That is the true meaning of adding insult to injury. I am so so sorry. But this I do something about. H and I had a Dday 3 years ago. Boy did that suck!!! It was really heartbreaking to watch. (I know I know I kept going) He's embarrassed, and feels like he's been duped. He just wants to shut you off right now. My H thought everyone knew and he wondered just how stupid he looked. I assured him that no one knew. It took a while to get him to even talk but we did . We went to seperate T's. Can I suggest writing him s letter? He may not want to listen but it will be hard for him not to read. We all know this about human nature.

Hang tight keep 's posted!!! Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 7:03am

NC- I too am sending you virtual hugs. I experienced several DDays and witnessed my husband's emotions as he dealt with the truth. There are no words to describe what that experience is like and I am sorry you are going through this. I echo what many have said- take it a day at a time. Allow your H to go through these emotions and wait for your chance to talk to him. My H and I decided to rebuild, and I am very fortunate for that, but as TU said, no matter what happens, it will be okay. I have a chance to save my marriage, while TU has a chance to define a new normal after her DDay and she too is thriving as she rebuilds her life. I know you don't want a D- I don't think anyone ever wants that, but if that is indeed the course this takes, you will be okay. So, like others have said, breathe. We are all here to support you.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 7:29am

OMG NC!

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 8:24am

iggy ..sloj bd and everyone else the support you guys r sending me is sooooo helpful u have no idea .children home from school and he asked what they wanted...well that was a hard one ..H has said he loves me so much and worships the ground i walk on but cant reconcile what i have done .....foot not broken but he is pizzed understandably anyway he and kids have laid down some ground rules and i guess i have to go with the flow it is a huge step forward .. No lawyer talk although he still wants assetts vaalued and wonders once a cheater?? nEVER AGAIN so he and kids are having a bonding night but dd has stressed and insisted only one night then i will move back in separate bedrooms for now but it is a start....have eaten tea with some red wine and will hopefully sleep tonight tomorrow is another day NC x

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 10:37am

Glad to hear that you got something in you, you need nutrition to think properly.

Onward and upward.