3 questions for those who have ended A's

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
3 questions for those who have ended A's
18
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 12:34am

Hi everyone,

I have 3 questions for those of you who have really and truly ended your A's:

1) How long have you been broken up?

2) How long was your A?

3) When it ended, were you

a) both still in love with each other but outside issues forced you apart,

b) one of you fell out of love and ended it with the other still really wanting it,

or

c) other (please elaborate).

Thanks!
Loves

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 7:16pm

1) Started in Oct. 2003, complete NC since Oct. 2004

2) 13 years

3) C. - Initially, in Oct. 2003 when the A was discovered, I would say we both felt we were in love. Fast forward to Oct. 2004, he was still sitting on the fence and I had to go on with my life. I will always care about XMM, but I care more about my sanity and 13 years in an affair is definitely insane.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:11pm
Hey there sunshine,
Thanks for your support. I am trying, that's about all I can ask of myself now. I've decided I am never going back to that life again. My life is only moving forward from this point on. I liked your post earlier, it was well said.
How are things going with you?
Sounds like you are trying hard too. Have you talked to him since you broke things off?
big hugs to you too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:31pm

Hey US,

Things are going good for me. Its a hard road, but I'm glad to be taking it. I am looking for more out of myself and for myself than what I've gotten so far and I think I'm n the right path to find it.

He sent me a text message the other night which I deleted without responding to. That was the first time I've ever done that and I tell you what.. it felt GREAT!!
I know this is the first of what is surely going to be other attempts, but I'm not concerned. I have faith in myself because I know I want more.

You should too!!!!

I can't tell you how proud I am of you!!!

How did you end it? Have you talked to him? What's goin on with you chick??

{{{{{US}}}}}

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:23pm
Well, face to face contact was sorta dwindling for a couple of months and I didn't know why. He stopped wearing his ring and told me he would explain everything to me very soon. I thought this meant that he was finally getting a D. He let me sit for a whole week in agony and he still didn't tell me what was going on. I finally asked him again and he told me he really didn't know what was going on at home. This put me over the edge. I thought this time was different. It was just more of the same. He said he pushed away somewhat because he was trying to stop the drama at home for awhile. I had heard that for the last time. I told him not to contact me again in any way unless he had filed for D. We told each other we loved each other and that was it.
The first week of NC went pretty well. I sent him a goodbye note and was pretty good at not contacting him and he wasn't contacting me either. He sent me a couple of text messages that I didn't respond to and I saw him driving down my street one day, driving past my house. That made me feel good that he was at least thinking about me. Well, the next week was a little contact and now he feels comfortable again contacting me sometimes because I have responded to him. So I guess we are in dwindling contact mode right now. I did so good the first week, I don't know what happened. We had a talk and both decided it was best to not contact one another and he said he wouldn't hold it against me if I saw other people. He promised to sort things out at home. Well, I guess that wasn't true because I told him that I was going to meet a friend of a friend for dinner and he threw a fit. It was like he didn't remember any of our conversation. He said he never promised anything. He was just upset I guess. I pretty much decided after freaking out at a bar when someone was flirting with me, that I am just not ready to date, so I am going to spend some time alone to heal from all this. I need to do better about the NC rule too. I did tell him that I will never go backwards with my life anymore. We are not going back to what we were doing. I won't have it. I don't know if he believes me, but I believe me, so I guess that is all that matters.
So, how did you end things? How are you doing with NC?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 11:56pm

Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time, hon.

I told him I how much I cared for him but that I deserved better... and I do.

And so do you, sister!!!

NC sucks, but I am getting stronger every day...

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:20am

<<1) How long have you been broken up?

Broken up since November 24th. NC since Jan 6th.

2) How long was your A?

4 months

3) When it ended, were you

a) both still in love with each other but outside issues forced you apart,

b) one of you fell out of love and ended it with the other still really wanting it,

or

c) other (please elaborate).>>>

Mostly A I think. I guess we weren't really forced apart but we both knew it would be over if he didn't leave his marriage. He tried, came close, but in the end couldn't do it. I told him I wouldn't have an affair with him if I wasn't going to end up with him. So when he decided to stay home that day he was supposedly leaving her, the affair ended. We still had contact off and on until 3 weeks ago when I broke it off for good. I know it could start back up again if I wanted it too, but it's a dead end relationship, and I want more.

I've sort of kept up with your story. I know it will be hard for you to get over him being that you were so in love. We were too. But with no contact it really does ease the pain and helps you move on. Each day gets easier to get through. Good luck to you!

Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:39am

1) How long have you been broken up? 7 1/2 months

2) How long was your A? 5 years

3) When it ended, were you

a) both still in love with each other but outside issues forced you apart,

We both cared deeply for each other, Love I don't know if that is really what it was because if it was I don't know if I would have been willing to let him go so easily. I think we gave each other what we lacked in our marriages at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 12:42pm

1) How long have you been broken up?

1st time NC Nov. 2004, Then I broke NC 2 weeks ago and ended it for good, (apparently he did not fully understand that b/casue he has contacted me since then)But it is over for good. I have no desire anymore to see him, talk to him whatsoever!

2) How long was your A?

Started in July of 2003

3) When it ended, were you
c) other (please elaborate).

We were not in love. It started out with feelings for each other, but it was not a real relationship. I was married, he was single. Real relationships can only happen under mutual caring circumstances. I was in love with the sneaky, lieing, selfish me that I was in the A. I was interested in a man that did not care enough about me to not let me lie to everyone i cared about and cared about me. I was interested in a man that did not care if I lost my family, reputation, or sense of self just so we could f*ck. I will learn from this and never look back at what I have lost and feel sad that it is over or wish it had ended differently.

~nuttmeg

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