30 days NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
30 days NC!
2
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 10:00pm

I actually wanted to post once I hit 4 weeks but I've been so busy lately I haven't had the time. I'm amazed that being only 30 days out how much better I feel, how much different I feel. Yes, I still think about AP, I think it would be impossible not to this early on, but I don't seem to have that feeling of longing and missing him so much. Now it's more like "what an idiot he was for treating me like that" or "what an idiot I was for believing all that bs". Granted there are times when something happens in my life that I think "Oh, I should really tell ____", but I know this stems from the long-term friendship we had before the A. Well, just as quickly as that thought pops into my brain, I push it right back out. I've even started to have feelings of sympathy for his W, how could she be married to such a damaged man, I know I never could. I think about all the crap that I tolerated that I never would have tolerated from my DH. Why did I do it? Why did I accept such a damaged man and put him up on a pedestal? I know I'm not blameless here but these are the questions I ask myself every day as a reminder of what not to do. Lots of soul-searching going on in my head these days.


Present too of late is this feeling of self-awareness to a degree I've never felt before. I go through my day with more effort put into the things I do, my brain isn't in some far away place. I know I'm starting to return to my "normal" self (and I use that term loosely - lol).


I tested myself the other day. I went onto MAS and searched for all the posts I made while in the A. I was surprised at what I found, what I had written. Here I was thinking I would find some fog-induced reiteration on how great he was but instead all I found was complaints about events that had happened with AP, pleas and crying for comfort because I felt so horrible about this A. I sounded desperate and truly pathetic. Here was a woman posting about her loss of

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: missbennett
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 7:45am

Missbennett,


Wonderful news! I am so happy you stopped by

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
In reply to: missbennett
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 10:48am

MB~ Congratulations on your 30 days NC!!!...SWEEEEETT!!...Aren't you proud of yourself that you made a choice that was

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3