3rd time is the charm???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
3rd time is the charm???
12
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 6:01pm

Long story short - I am a MW involved 2 1/2 years in a PA with MM, AP has 'ended' things for the 3rd time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 4:58pm

just~

Your post really spoke to me this morning when I read it - I love it when that happens cos it's usually something that I need on that particular day, and today's the day for me. My H works offshore, he goes away for a week then is home for a week...in a month that will be changing to two weeks away two weeks home. Needless to say, that helped to facilitate my A somewhat last year. No, xMM didn't come and stay overnight or anything like that, and I probably didn't see that much more of him while my H was away, but I had total 'headspace' for xMM the whole time my H was away. And it sucked, cos xMM's life was always busier than mine (with family, work etc) and I always felt as though I was 'begging' him for more time, attention etc (UGH!!! So hate admitting that stuff now...) So I'm really having to work especially hard when H goes away, to stay connected to him the whole time, and to remember there WAS a life for me at home while my H was away, and I don't NEED xMM to fill that gap - it's been very challenging, especially when I'm feeling particularly 'lonely' and my teenage kids are busy with their own friends and interests). Anyway, enough sooking and on to what I wanted to really say!

Your post has inspired me...to continue to work hard on my M and my relationship with my beautiful H. I love that you made the effort to organise a special late night evening with your H, right down to the wine, chocolates and rug. And it sounds like it went so well! That's awesome, I am so very happy for you :) I am finding that it's all about really continuously and consistently making the effort to do things that we haven't really done before in the past 16 years of our marriage. To reignite that 'spark' and deep deep love and commitment that is sooooo much better than what we could ever have had with xMM. And no, it's not going to be that hot, fiery, 'can't get enough' feeling we had with xMM, but I just keep telling myself that those feelings were never going to keep going and if I ever had decided to leave my H for xMM that those feelings would so not be the same.

And I'm in the same boat as you - I 'affaired down' too!! My H is cute, nice body, takes care of himself, dresses really well, good manners, great communicator, is so loving and caring etc etc. xMM, on the other hand, was a heap overweight, fat stomach, not that good looking, has heaps of 'issues' (addictions etc), history of depression, doesn't deal with RL very well, avoids his sh*#, doesn't exercise, blames everyone else for all his crap, has anger problems, and is a crap communicator!!!

And I ask myself the same thing!!!!! WTF WAS I THINKING????!!!!!

So I'm now off to my 7th IC session to try and find that out - wish me luck :) :) :)

Love and hugs

Be Strong xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:59pm

Dee -


Thanks for the kick in the ass about the e-mail.

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