4 those who need incentive to end....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
4 those who need incentive to end....
5
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 11:38am
I posted this on the "Affair Support" board, but I wanted to include a copy of it here for those of you struggling to end an affair, or who have already succeeded but need reinforcement for your decision. If you have ended this "circle of lies and deceit", congradulations. You are on your way to being "True to yourself :)"

Today is Father's Day. For all of you out there who are having an affair (either emotional, LD, physical,or otherwise)with a MM who has children, today is one of those "black hole" days where you can't be part of it. How does that make you feel? Don't you wish you could pick up that phone and say, "Hey Big Daddy..have a good one :)" How many of you were able to send email cards? How many had to wish him a good day the last time you were together? How many of you feel empty and hurting inside today because your man is spending it with his wife and kids? Going out to dinner, having family over, spending it with friends maybe at a barbaque, etc. without you. Just remember, a day like this defines just exactly what an affair is. It is a fantasy...it has nothing to do with the real world and life MM has away from you. You are standing outside of his window looking in....AND it nevers gets any better. You will always be last on his list next to family, work, hobbies, traveling, holidays, etc.

I lived like this for almost 5 years. My heart would implode over and over again everytime I was not part of celebrations, not special, not important...and if you think he's thinking about you today, think again. You may trigger a passing thought or two, but more than likely it will be out of guilt. I know I am being "In your face nasty," but one day a month ago I got fed up with being the "Other Woman" and finally faced the reality of the fantasy. It took over 4 long years, but ladies, IT TOOK. I ended it.

True

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:17pm
Hi b true 2...........I needed to hear your words today. My affair with XMM is over in my eyes anyway. I don't know about him. If he had his way it would never end because it was how he wanted it. Me at his convenience, while all along telling me that my husband loved me, and that he knew that husband and I have built a life together. And that he was not leaving his home for the sake of his youngest child. But also telling me that he loved me, can't let me go, can't give up on what we had. (I have been at this point of ending it for a long time, telling him I can't do this but yet he always comes a callin').

I see now that I was never a priority to him. Never worth his time, for anything other than sex and that stopped a very long time ago. But you know, things have a way of catching up with people. Maybe one day he will regret how he was towards me and realize that he lost a real good thing. Or maybe not.

I am feeling angry today. And just needed to vent. Have a good day and thanks for your post.

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:33am
Things do have a way of catching up with people. My father has told me since I was a teenager that what comes around goes around. And if you watch other people's lives, you will see that it does happen. these men will get theirs. Not necessarily in the time we would like them to, but it's coming. And if we get out now, we will feel no pain when it happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:29am
About Father's Day, I did think about xMM that day. And how he was probably having a happy family day at home and not thinking about me at all. And hasn't probably thought about me much since we stopped seeing each other 2 mos. ago.

Funny thing about Father's Day, when we were seeing each other, he would take pic's with his digital camera which he said he got as a Father's Day gift.

Wouldn't that make you feel guilty if you were taking pic's of an affair partner with a camera your family gave to you?

It would to me. I think in the end, he did feel guilty about everything.

Although I don't really feel guilty, in a way I am accepting the fact that it is over and trying to move on with my life with H.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:10pm
Well this is my first post in this post, but as a Father myself, I can honestly say ending the affair before it got too much for either of us was the best decision for the both of us. No I didn't think of the OW and I have no regret doing so. She knew what she was getting into and she was in a off and on R with her LTR so do I feel bad? Yes there is that guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:44pm
Thanks for your post, Blue. It's always helpful to get a man's POV in these situations. I am not sure if you meant this was your FIRST post here, but welcome just the same. I think many gals on here would LOVE to get your side of why ending your affair was the "Best thing to do."

Take care,


True