4 years and it's finally over

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
4 years and it's finally over
2
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 11:41am
well today is the first day of NC, yes it has happened many times in the past but I think this time is for good. We have been on this Rollercoaster ride for almost 4 years, I have divorced and been very loyal to him. HIM on the other hand NOTHING has changed, except EVERYTHING that happens in the A is my fault. I just asked him a hypothetical question Sat (what would happen if I dated since he sleeps with his wife every night in the same bed) he went off called me a dog and a ho and I do not respect him and go ahead he doesnt care, then did not call me for 2 days. He is so quick to just throw it away, he is losing nothing. That shows me he does not love me, then he calls this morning cold as can be, whats up, and I told him I am tired of being called a dog I do EVERYTHING for him I love him and respect him I just asked a question and he said he is tired of my questions. So it was left that I am tired of him always telling me how bad I am and how I do not respect him,I fell in love with him because he treated me like a princess now he treats me like he is doing me a favor, he said fine whatever you want. No fight for it no sorry NOTHING. I am so sad but at the same time I know in my heart it is going NOWHERE,he will never change. I just need to keep the no contact!! How can they be so COLD??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 7:51pm
hi fooled2much!

congratulations!!!

i'm a little concerned about your post...when i walked away, i, too, wondered why he wasn't fighting me to stay. and i realized something, he KNEW that by not saying anything, that curiousity and my ego would actually bring me back to him. my ego would get the better of me. rationally, that makes no sense. why would my ego allow me to stay in a relationship where i come 2nd each every time? b/c even though i could NEVER imagine a life w/ XMM, at the end of the day, there's a challenge there...can i somehow become 1st in his life? and he damn well knows how much i enjoy challenges. but this is one challenge that winning results in NO upside. even if i ended up w/ him, i'd be the ultimate loser in the end. the prize is simply not and never will be enough.

for me, i realized that i don't want a real relationship w/ him. but that leaves a lot of unanswered questions...like how i ended up in an affair in the first place. and the only way to find out the answers to these questions is through NO CONTACT...

anyhow, i don't want to rehash some of my previous posts. but there's this one book that i found really helpful. the title is "This Affair is Over!" it's really short but it took me nearly a month to get through it b/c every paragraph felt painful to read. but i got through it and while i'm still on this board, i've learned so much about myself in nearly the 4 months of NC.

there will be bad days and good days. but eventually the good will outweigh the bad. we all just have to weather out those rough times.

take care,

sambagita

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 10:06am
Dear Fooled2much,

I'm still in my affair. It's one year and almost 5 months. Your post was so much a wake up call for me. It's sounds too much like my affair. I lurk here, I've posted in the past, but if you'd like to talk, please email me at bevis@losch.net and put affair in the subject line. I use the same words on my MM. About him being in the same bed with his wife everynight.But yet, I'm not supposed to go out, go anywhere to meet anyone.He freaks. I'm so sick of it, but I tried to walk and he comes back and it is hard to walk away. I feel like I should tell him that he needs to leave her and then he can see me again. My marriage fell apart. I'm separated and on my own now . He claims he is gonna leave her. He just needs a better paying job.They have no kids,& are Married 10 years.Please email me....thanks, Aries p.s he has a fit when my husband comes up to my house to see the cats, we have no kids. But yet he is still with his wife . And I see him at work everyday.That's how we met.