Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
You're rocking woman. I love that you can recognize that the pain is coming from the pain of growing and stretching - outgrowing the self that kept you self-imprisoned in a holding-pattern of self-destruction.
I find this journey is about keeping a variety of perspectives at play at once:
mindful of the past in order to inform the present, mindful of the present to appreciate that past is indeed the past and today's choices are what matter, all with a view to a future that remains unwritten and unbounded by the confining grip of an affair.
5 days is a huge accomplishment, so be proud of yourself. I know that I am. You've been doing the work and it is paying off in spades. Yes, your journey has just begun but as the saying goes, "A journey of 1000 miles begins with one small step."
Counting NC days seems to work best for most enders. Since you are S, you can magic marker that big'ol X on the calendar as you complete each day. Wait until a month of X's stare you in the face. You will feel so empowered, I assure you.
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We all want to feel safe, and it needs to start with self protection. We do this by setting boundaries and living within it's range. Much like the invisible fence that shocks a pet if they were to cross it, we have to know just how far out we can wonder without getting zapped again. We also have to be careful that we don't fall into the "Comfort Zone" trap, as this limits our talents and creativity. The balance comes with learning as much as we can about ourselves, and then cautiously proceeding. All of you know, or will learn, that after having an affair we are still in a vulnerable state, and have to give ourselves plenty of time to learn which ropes we can walk on again, making sure that those safely nets are in place. Tossing caution to the wind would be a grave error on our parts, and becoming overly confident too soon usually leads to this. We have, no doubt, caused serious damage to our inner being, and it will take time, patience, self awareness, and knowledge not to ever walk the A path again. (Or any hazardous road for that matter.)
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Thank you for sharing with us, M. Your gratitude is appreciated, but always remember that YOU are making this happen. You are changing your life by discarding that which does not work, and replacing it with newfound wisdom and truth. It has been a pleasure having you as part of this community and some day you'll be able to pay it forward. (Actually, you have been contributing a great deal of good stuff already). :smileywink:
Let me understand this correctly. Your AP has asked for NC, so your A has come to an end? Even though you wish it weren't so? If I am correct in what you are saying, then this is the board you need to be on. It's about ending affairs whether you are the Ender or the Endee.
I would suggest that you start your own discussion so we can give you the undivided attention you need. We understand the pain you are in and are here to help you in whatever way we can.
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If you are sincere in your sentiments then you have to leave her alone. Especially if she has asked for NC. By not sending her an email, you are already showing through your (in)actions that you respect her and want better fo her. Ending an affair is painful for
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
Hey newlife...just want to chime in and congratulate you on your successful 5 days of NC...So happy for you in your NC journey in that you have seemed to have taken the money and ran for it!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Need the congrats today! I teared up reading everyone's responses. YOU'RE ALL so KIND - compassionate - thoughtful - WISE...
YOURE RIGHT!!! I DID TAKE THE MONEY AND RAN FOR IT! That's such a good description. :)
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
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Oh wow Michelle.
I
I find this journey is about keeping a variety of perspectives at play at once:
mindful of the past in order to inform the present, mindful of the present to appreciate that past is indeed the past and today's choices are what matter, all with a view to a future that remains unwritten and unbounded by the confining grip of an affair.
((hugs))
TU.
(((Michelle)))
5 days is a huge accomplishment, so be proud of yourself. I know that I am. You've been doing the work and it is paying off in spades. Yes, your journey has just begun but as the saying goes, "A journey of 1000 miles begins with one small step."
Counting NC days seems to work best for most enders. Since you are S, you can magic marker that big'ol X on the calendar as you complete each day. Wait until a month of X's stare you in the face. You will feel so empowered, I assure you.
<>
We all want to feel safe, and it needs to start with self protection. We do this by setting boundaries and living within it's range. Much like the invisible fence that shocks a pet if they were to cross it, we have to know just how far out we can wonder without getting zapped again. We also have to be careful that we don't fall into the "Comfort Zone" trap, as this limits our talents and creativity. The balance comes with learning as much as we can about ourselves, and then cautiously proceeding. All of you know, or will learn, that after having an affair we are still in a vulnerable state, and have to give ourselves plenty of time to learn which ropes we can walk on again, making sure that those safely nets are in place. Tossing caution to the wind would be a grave error on our parts, and becoming overly confident too soon usually leads to this. We have, no doubt, caused serious damage to our inner being, and it will take time, patience, self awareness, and knowledge not to ever walk the A path again. (Or any hazardous road for that matter.)
<>
Thank you for sharing with us, M. Your gratitude is appreciated, but always remember that YOU are making this happen. You are changing your life by discarding that which does not work, and replacing it with newfound wisdom and truth. It has been a pleasure having you as part of this community and some day you'll be able to pay it forward. (Actually, you have been contributing a great deal of good stuff already). :smileywink:
((Hugs))
Question
What do you do if your the guy?
Confused Dad,
Let me understand this correctly. Your AP has asked for NC, so your A has come to an end? Even though you wish it weren't so? If I am correct in what you are saying, then this is the board you need to be on. It's about ending affairs whether you are the Ender or the Endee.
I would suggest that you start your own discussion so we can give you the undivided attention you need. We understand the pain you are in and are here to help you in whatever way we can.
<>
If you are sincere in your sentiments then you have to leave her alone. Especially if she has asked for NC. By not sending her an email, you are already showing through your (in)actions that you respect her and want better fo her. Ending an affair is painful for
yes, please post your story, we are here for you. We really love having men around, so often we need your point of view.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Really? Confused Dad...
What do you mean you screwed up?
Having the affair in the first place?
Hey newlife...just want to chime in and congratulate you on your successful 5 days of NC...So happy for you in your NC journey in that you have seemed to have taken the money and ran for it!
New_Season -
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Need the congrats today! I teared up reading everyone's responses. YOU'RE ALL so KIND - compassionate - thoughtful - WISE...
YOURE RIGHT!!! I DID TAKE THE MONEY AND RAN FOR IT! That's such a good description. :)
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