6 months EAS, perspective, etc.
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| Tue, 09-22-2009 - 2:29pm |
Hi everyone,
I have been pretty AWOL because I felt it was time to stand on my own and walk in freedom! I have been doing that for some time now and I have to add my update in the hopes of encouraging others!
So it is now 9 months since NC started, xMM lives in another state, etc. All acquaintences, reminders moved away from us, and then our family eventually moved out of the neighborhood where the A happened. What a change that move has made!! It has given me perspective, for starters, to see what a dark place I was living in. Not many friends, especially not healthy ones. Just lots and lots of unhealthy going on.
How am I doing? Awesome!! Triggers don't hardly ever happen, my heart is not tied up with xAP and I am alive and full of joy! My m is better than ever and DH and I are planning on renewing our vows next month. Everyone is doing well, despite my husband working out of town during the week.
So this is what I am proof of:
~NC works, and if you have to, MOVE AWAY!!! I mean this, because if you want your life to change, you have to get past this A for once and for all! It may seem drastic, but YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Do whatever it takes to break the chains of this toxic relationship.
~ Triggers subside, it is amazing how the triggers lessen and lessen in frequency as time passes. With time, you also gain clarity. There are things I can think about now that have to do with xAP that simply make me turn my nose up in disgust! I can't believe how I was settling...
~Indifference is a real thing. From time to time I am curious as to how xAP and his family are doing(not very often), but I am not disappointed that I don't know. I'd rather not.
~You CAN overcome an obsession with needing to check up! I am proof. Honestly, I'm GLAD I don't know what is going on in their lives. There is nothing to gain by knowing, except a sick feeling in my stomach(proof from a recent slip-up). Not sure what the sick stomach means, whether jealousy or shame...but I know it has everything to do with the dark dark place I was in in my life. I never ever want to go back there again, so I cut every single reminder and contact out. Period. Sometimes overcoming the obsession takes time, but it will happen if you are persistant in telling yourself it is better not to know.
So that's it for now! I hope I can bring some encouragement to newbies who are hurting and in a dark place. Hang in there, day by day, breath by breath. You are gaining your life back each and every day. Be determined to get past the a and you will get your life back!
| Tue, 09-22-2009 - 2:39pm |
