6 weeks
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| Sun, 08-08-2010 - 8:13am |
It's been 6 weeks of NC as of today. I wish I never would have gotten myself in this mess in the first place. I keep trying to look at the positives, and there are a few - mainly everything I've learned about myself. But looking back now, what a colossal waste. 7.5 years of emotional abuse. Why did I put up with it for so long? Accept things that in a "real" relationship I would never, ever accept? Why did I defend myself to a man who is a cheater? Because I kept blaming everything on THE SITUATION. "XAP is only acting like this because of the circumstances." I have to constantly remind myself that HE was the CAUSE of the circumstances. He always, always, always made me feel like I had something to prove to him. He was so incredibly jealous and insecure. If I was doing any innocent thing - going out to dinner with girlfriends, he would make me miserable before I left. Then say things like "We'll see how tonight goes".
I'm proud that I finally got here, but I'm beating myself up for not getting here sooner. Just a little blah this morning - feeling like all the weight of what I let XAP do to me quash me like a pancake.
Bodhi

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Thank you DAB - I'll sure take you up on that :)
Bodhi
Thank you jdv :)
I sure hope that I do give as much comfort to others as I receive here. It's a wonderful, safe place to be.
The day got better - my kids and I grilled and played games with my mom. Thank you everyone for your support today!
Bodhi
Here's to a fellow Ender who admires another Sister!
Congratulations on another week, from someone who doubted you. You have held steadfast and I am truly happy for you.
You have come a long way and a lot to overcome.
Hangin' right in there w/ you.
We only miss what could have been.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Bodhi!!
Three things
1) Congrats on 6 weeks!!
2) I am so glad the day got better, sometimes thats the best we can hope for and I am so glad that it happened for you.
3) <>
OMG you are an inspiration girl. Your posts are always thoughtful, insightful, and HEART FULL!!!
Yesterday was 2 weeks NC for me, and its been 10 days since I finally got the guts to speak up here.
You are right it is a safe place to be. I have been reading, everything, everyday since then. I often feel so much, but when I try and respond it is like a cat's got my tongue. I just can not put my feelings into words. I am so grateful that you (and many other wonderful women and men) can get yours out. I can not tell you how helpful this place has been over the last 2 weeks, even in my silence. You are a major player in this. So again I say thank you and GREAT JOB!!
Peace--MMLIF
Thank you! Can I call you Fog? Maybe I'm dyslexic, but your abbreviation looks a little too close to MILF for me....
And congrats to you on 2 weeks. I'm glad you are still reading - that is the key. I read on and off all day, every day too. You don't give yourself enough credit - I think you do a great job expressing your feelings here. And it really helps getting a male pov from you and Rather.
Stay strong :)
Bodhi
Thank you Liberty and Rather :)
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I am serious, and knowing how much Rather doubted me fuels me to continue to prove him wrong! :)
Bodhi
I was with Rather ... but quickly learned that you were fierce about ending, and I just as quickly started paying attention to your posts: you blow my mind regularly with your insights and growth.
Much love,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Thank you TU! Just curious about what it was that made you both think I'd fail - the length of the A? Or that I was just royally peeved that he went on vacation? I emailed you back, I hope you got it. :)
Bodhi
Hi (-:
I think it was how I was interpreting 'you', and yes the length of the affair, his endless fishing attempts (i know how brutal that can be), and your single status (makes it hard in those tougher moments to keep the rationalizations out of your mind).
I want you to know though, that it didn't take long for me to get to know that strong and determined woman inside!
Love TU.
ps: I didn't get your message until 11pm last-night! It was being held in my spam blocker for some reason (?). I have been traveling from a visit home, but I look forward to replying as soon as I have a moment (-:
So so proud of you!
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
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