6 weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
6 weeks
38
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 8:13am

It's been 6 weeks of NC as of today. I wish I never would have gotten myself in this mess in the first place. I keep trying to look at the positives, and there are a few - mainly everything I've learned about myself. But looking back now, what a colossal waste. 7.5 years of emotional abuse. Why did I put up with it for so long? Accept things that in a "real" relationship I would never, ever accept? Why did I defend myself to a man who is a cheater? Because I kept blaming everything on THE SITUATION. "XAP is only acting like this because of the circumstances." I have to constantly remind myself that HE was the CAUSE of the circumstances. He always, always, always made me feel like I had something to prove to him. He was so incredibly jealous and insecure. If I was doing any innocent thing - going out to dinner with girlfriends, he would make me miserable before I left. Then say things like "We'll see how tonight goes".

I'm proud that I finally got here, but I'm beating myself up for not getting here sooner. Just a little blah this morning - feeling like all the weight of what I let XAP do to me quash me like a pancake.

Bodhi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 11:08am

Mom -

I remember that post about not being intimate with his W. I still can't go there and think about that, but it's OK - I've decided that there are a few things that I have permission to not even think about. It seems more destructive to my recovery. So for now, I still think that he's celibate. ha ha

Thank you so much for your post. I value your thoughts - I love your direct way of stating things. Sometimes I get too "touchy feely" with things - it's the artist in me.

Master Manipulator did his thing for a long time. I've actually found myself feeling sorry for his W lately. I hope he doesn't treat her the way he treated me.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 11:45am

<>>


Okay, you just made me tear up and now I'm fanning my eyes....nope, looks like I need kleenex. Thank you so much for saying that. Guess I'm over emotional today because one of my babies is having his 34th birthday today. Where does the time go?


Sniff, sniff, ((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 11:55am

I know, right? that made ME misty and she wasn't even talking about me! ha. and i rarely care if it's not about me. hahahahaha.

True that, though, Iddy. Kudos to you for all you do for us.

xoxoxox
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 12:06pm

((((Iddy)))))

I didn't mean to make you cry! :) Time flies way too fast. I can't believe that I'm going to be looking at colleges with my son very soon. We really have to cherish every moment.

Dee - I feel the same with you - we have the same sense of humor. I LOVE your wit. You're my same-age sister :) Heck, we're all one big, happy, dysfunctional family!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 12:43pm

(((Dee))


Thanks, sweetie.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 3:30pm

Hi Bodhi


Low 80's is huge....especially only getting to play 4 months a year.... i would be an extremely happy woman if i managed that every outing.... i had my first corporate game post Dday

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 4:40pm

Bodhi,


I’m fashionably late to jumping on the band wagon to issue heartfelt congrats. and big props. for the strides in healing you’ve made. I looked at the length of the thread and thought that must be one h@!! of a six week success story …let me check this out! By the time I got to the end of all the hugs, well wishes and ego strokes I think I was humming Kumbaya.


This thread brought some ideas to mind. It’s a good reminder that one’s ability and potential cannot be measured in one post here or on any IV board. I admit being guilty of looking at a new posters and sometimes thinking oh I’ve seen that before or oh I don’t know about “this” one.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:15pm

Thank you E1 :)

My day (and post) didn't start out too positive but as always, EAS dug me out!

<<<>>

I agree - and I always wonder about those that post a few times and disappear. I hope they are OK.

I loved your Idol reference - too funny. And I have a mental picture now of Iddy swatting us like cubs - what a neat image :)

Bodhi




Edited 8/10/2010 8:32 pm ET by bodhi2010

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