7 Days NC.......
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7 Days NC.......
| Fri, 01-21-2011 - 8:54pm |
Hi everyone....its been 7 days since i started NC...a whole week with out drama for the first time in forever....
I have kept myself busy thats for sure...working extra hours, playing games with kids, and i have to say my house is the cleanest its ever been...It amazing how much you can accomplish when your not sneaking out or

WOW ... I could have wrote your post. Every single thing you mentioned that you missed out on while in your affair were true for me too. Looking back now, wowzers, what a bunch of wasted time and energy. That first week on NC, once I managed to crawl out of bed I was on FIRE. I cleaned, purged the house of all clutter, reinvested hard in my children and reconnected with friends. I STAYED super busy until I could feel my emotions stabilizing. Then, I became quieter in my healing journey. I read and posted here, I looked for the simple things in my life that I found tremendous joy in. I noticed all the things I took for granted, I apologized to my pets for their neglect, I made direct eye contact with my children and started to listen to every word of every story they were telling me ... instead of offering them the hallow eyes they had been looking into for almost 2 years. I noticed how less anxious I felt. I noticed myself. I didn't hide. I took pride in every single good thing I did to try and build my self esteem up. When I started to notice my good in the world, I could let go of some of the bad I had done. I reflected on my choices, without pathologizing my actions. I looked for sources of pain in my past, how the affair was symptomatic of older hurts yet to have healed.
I took the rocks from the ruins of my old selves, salvaged the parts worthy of the new me, and got to re-building. That's the thing - when you crumble to the ground, fully surrendering to the ending process, you're less likely to just plug up the cracks with new obsessions and actually heal.
You're going to be just fine. And perhaps a name change is in order. How we label ourselves, helps define us or our situation. Perhaps it is time?
Much care,
TU.
Hi Addicted
This is EXACTLY what I felt. I looked at my old posts on MAS and realised that I was in the same A as everyone else. i felt it was sooooo different! THIS was true love surely! THIS was the one in a thousand affairs that REALLY meant something. I mean we said 'I love you', we had all those amazing moments of sharing and long love-lorn gazing. at each other on the pillow at some hotel. God it makes me feel sick to think how 'in love' I thought we were.
But as with 99.9999999999% of affairs, the 'love' dies. All of a sudden he has less time for you. Starts telling you how guilty he feels, how much he really 'likes' you (when he used to say 'love'). Its al so common- so cliche.
Yes maybe there is 0.00000000001% of affairs that turn into real life love. Complete with all the hurt and pain you have to deal with because you deceived EVERYONE! Maybe you can even pretend you only just met and lie again to cover all the other lies. BUT can you ever TRUST him? Will he ever trust you? Once a cheater, always a cheater?? Could you have really lived with that???
The answer is all affairs will end. Either amicably or with hurt and pain- it WILL end. And when it does, and you stop lying to yourself and the people who truly love you- you realise how amazingly selfish you were, and how much you risked for the cliche of a sordid affair.
So many beautiful people on EAS have had a DDay. They will tell you how much the A is NOT worth it! Causing so much pain to your loved ones is NOT worth those stolen moments with someone who you were probably never your 'real' self with anyway!!!
Addicted- stay strong with NC. Be your true and honest self. You didnt really know him and Im betting you never showed him your true self either.
Hi Angel,
7 Days NC is great!
Wow, it sounds like you're off to a great start!
AA,
Bravo on a full week of NC. You are already gaining insights and awareness on how affairs
Angel,
You are a wise and intuitive one. :smileywink: I see so much wisdom, determination and strength in your post.
I, too, literally get sick to my stomach when I read some of the posts on MAS. I want to scream at the ladies on that board, but they won't listen. I wouldn't have, either. All we can do is be here for them when they arrive at EAS. Because most of them will, sooner of later.
I was shouting YES to this part of your post:
i'm very new in this but I could have written your post too! I HATE how much of my life has been on hold. And I, too, was the one everyone described as the "strongest woman they knew"... if only they knew how often I was curled up in a ball crying over "my man" who was never my man at all!
Big hugs... and support. We will get there! I feel like someone turned the light on in our darkened mind and suddenly we see everything clearly.