7 weeks
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| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 12:47pm |
I feel stronger today than I have in a long time. There is hope for all of us b/c I was in BAD shape when he left. I mean, for at least 2-3 weeks, I walked around feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach. I thought of him constantly, checked my email and phone like a teenager, cried, and wondered if I'd ever get over him.
I will confess this though...the other day I was checking the caller ID on my apartment phone, and there was a number from a pay phone. I had a feeling it was from exMM, b/c I get very very few wrong numbers there and he couldn't call me from his cell or home.
So I ran a check on the number...and sure enough, it came from a fast food place not far from his home. I guess it COULD be someone else...but what are the odds? Another reason I think its him is that the day after that call, I saw him online briefly on a website we both frequent...only he had logged on under the name that only he and I used to PM each other. There was no reason for him to log in at all, let alone under that name.
Of course, he left no message. Makes me wonder why he called in the first place.
Anyway, even though that was only about a week ago...I will NOT contact him. Believe me, its tempting. It makes me sad, and I did shed a few tears, I admit...not REALLY sure why, but it struck a nerve...but I am trying to reclaim my life, and any contact with him would only undue the healing I've worked so hard to acheive.
Hang in their everyone, I still go through rough days but I am going to be alright. All of us will, if we take care of ourselves and focus on our futures.

Good for you! Congratulations on the 7 weeks!!! That is fantastic! I'm on 2.5 weeks since I've seen him and 1.5 weeks no contact. It sure feels good! You are such an inspiration.
"I still go through rough days but I am going to be alright. All of us will, if we take care of ourselves and focus on our futures."
I love that quote from you. You are so right. We will have rough days, but we can get through them by finding our inner strength and by leaning on each other. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on the future are great ways to fill that void left by them.
:) XOXO
Lily
You both are doing great with the NC -- keep it up!
Dallas, I think that if I figured out that my XMM called like you did, I would be a puddle of goo -- I can't say that I would be as strong as I sound when I post here. It's been exactly four weeks since I saw him and two weeks of NC. If he calls I will not answer but I will not be a happy camper. But the longer he waits to make contact the better i will be :-)
Meg
I went to see where exactly this address was where he called from. Now, I live relatively close to him, so I didn't go too far out of my way...but guess what...the place was about 1/2 m. from his house. So it was him.
I cried part of the way home. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm happy or sad that he thought of me. I'm conflicted.
What I DO know, is that any time I hear about him indirectly, or see that he called (only once, but still...), I get cut up. So, I am going to try and avoid both. I HAVE TO MOVE ON. Even if he wanted to come back and I took him back...it would never work. Never. So there's no point in getting upset about it.
I'm listening to "Time to Say Goodbye" with Sarah Brightman. Its a beautiful song and its making me cry. Not necessarily just over exMM...but over the fact that we have to let go of so much in our lives...I guess thats part of being a grownup. Sometimes it sucks...but things happen as they should. I have to remember that.
Don't be too tough on yourself about doing the drive-by. As time goes by you will do these things less and less. I feel that for myself and I think you will be right along with me :-) Fill up your time with other things!
And don't even get me started on songs -- I two sections on my ipod -- one for songs that I listen to when I miss him and another for songs that I listen to when I want to be strong.
Yes, you're strong -- you are just temporarily deviating from that path. Just temporarily...
Meg
have a good song for you Gave it to my cousin when she was going thru a bad breakup. "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. I'm sitting here listening to it now. Fighting the urge to call him. fighting, fighting, fighting. 29 hours and 40 minutes NC strong. One minute I'm good, the next I'm a train wreck. When I'm a train wreck I just keep thinking about how good I was earlier. Helps a little. Just DON'T answer the phone! That's why God invented the answering machine and voicemail.
:) jellie