7 weeks NC...and the missed call

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
7 weeks NC...and the missed call
8
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 3:15pm

So today marks 7 weeks NC. I pick up my cell phone and see a missed call. It's HIM. I didn't block him because I honestly thought he would never call. It's the middle of the day and I assume he's at work. WTF?!?! I'm so upset right now, I'm shaking. How dare he call me?! He didn't leave a message but who knows whether a text is coming. He always breaks NC but yet he's usually the one to say he's done. I hate the way he's still making me feel. And now I need to worry when I look at my phone. Don't worry, I'm not going to reach out or respond. I'm just so MAD.

Gal

"Once and for all, I'm far away.

I hardly believe, finally the shades... are raised."

Pearl Jam
NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 5:11pm

WOW.. U are so strong and should be so proud of yourself! I say that because I know I would've buckled and call back! So he is the one that breaks it and then comes back. Hmm... that must just drive you crazy! In my case it is me who does the breaking and then I come back with a msg or make a call!

I wish I could be MAD I am nothing but sad! I guess either or it doesn't matter it is a waste of an emotion on these guys when they DO NOT spare any towards us! Well I shouldn't be speaking for you but that is definitely how i feel!

Please hang in there and be tough! :))

V

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 5:35pm

I am so far out of my EA that I can't even believe that I still have some bad days. But today I am having one of those days. So I come here and read and eventually feel better. I am so far out of the fog even though xMM and I are still friends. I know that is crazy but we are family friends

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 9:14am

Hi Gal,


Your post was interesting to me because it is so similar to my situation. He is ALWAYS the one who tries to end it, and he is usually the one to end up contacting me again (yes, I've cracked too but not as much as him). Last year, I went 3 weeks NC, missed him like crazy and emailed him that I missed talking to him, he emailed back that because of our last conversation (I kind of let him have it!) he didn't feel the same. I remember being devastatingly sad for a few days and the next thing I remember is that is was four weeks later and I got an email from him. I CLEARLY remember not feeling ANYTHING except "You've GOT to be kidding me!!. I almost didn't respond...really didn't feel any draw or urge to but thought we could be friends (stupid!)...I SOOOOOOO wish I'd followed that instinct. Instead, I responded after a few hours and, well, I'm here again so you can see how that worked out!


It was the same pain, the same crap, the same roller coaster only worse because he knew he had the control. He knew he could treat me like crap and then just call whenever he wanted and I'd come running back. With my xAP, it's ALL about control. I guess I can see that now, but couldn't before.


It's been two weeks NC (again) for me. I can already feel that the fog is lifting. I was there once so I know there's an end to the pain...it's just getting there that's tough.


Anyway, I guess I'm responding to you because I think what's happened to you is inevitable for me. I'm pretty sure that once enough time has passed (it's usually about two months), he'll get bored or want to establish that control again and call, text or email. I don't want to block him...I know I can handle it this time...and I want that chance to ignore him. I want to prove to myself I can do it and show him that he lost his precious control. I will not go back, though. I finally realize that it will never be better and it will never really be what I thought it was.


Stay strong! It sounds like you have it under control and that's awesome...just don't cave no matter what!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 12:03pm

They always come back. I'd never thought mine be back either, but he called/texted me so many times during those 4 months since I ended it, surprising me every time. I never thought he'd be back because he is passive-aggressive type too and every time he didn't like what I said/did/asked for, he'd give me a silence treatment and would send me on guilt trip. I guess that spoiled big baby thought I'd be kissing his @ss just like his wife does every time he pouts, lol.

So he contacts me over and over again (we are in LC), weak, desperate and humiliated. Over and over again asking me to go out (thank you, but no thank you). Tried to play "friends" with me (not interested either - I have friends already, and he is not one of them). Says he still loves me (yeah, right). Asking me what he can do to get us back together (how about leaving your marriage? oh no, he CAN'T). Well, if he CAN'T, I CAN'T either.

Congrats on 7 weeks NC, this is huge. I am envious of those of you who are able to go complete NC and be rid of those clowns once and for all.

Hugs,
GbG

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 2:52pm

Thanks to all of you for your responses.

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 8:35pm

block his calls. it is possible on all carriers. STOP torturing yourself.

I speak from the heart and wish you peace in your heart.You have already given too much

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 9:41pm

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 11:25pm

Kristin, believe me, I thought I'd die without this man. I loved him more than anything. I'd do anything for him - and for us to be together. Did he appreciate any of that - Hell no! So after a year of putting up with the usual affair crap (WTF was I thinking!) I finally pulled out my head out of my @ss and told him to run and jump.

Now all he does just makes me laugh. Sure he wants me back. But why would I want HIM?

Sometimes I think this board is too much into emotional stuff and too much of desperation going on here - those men do not deserve so much suffering. But again maybe I am different. I've been though painful break ups before, and this time is no different. Moreover, when I was about to end my affair and started reading EAS, I was almost scared to end it, thinking - is it going to be THAT BAD?? Nah! Take a run and jump, you jerk! I'm so much better off without you!:)

Much love and hugs to everyone:)

GbG

**Bloodied but unbowed**