7th Day No Contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
7th Day No Contact
14
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 9:17am

Since i have told my DH about my A, we have been talking (on the phone, he is away) every day, for hours....This has helped me think of something else other than my xap.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 9:22am
mau,

I very much empathize with what you are going through. I felt no guilt either, but am now trying to mend my broken M. H is trying too, but it is so difficult.

The sadness I think must be normal. Sad for teh choices made and the consequences that are following.

I've been over 3 wks NC because of a D-day...it is so hard no doubt.

Stay strong and thanks for your posts...they have helped me a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 10:55am
amo, this is why i come to this board...because you and others can empathize. It's so important to have a close knit group that can understand where we are coming from.

I just got off the phone with my DH. I told him that i have forced myself to go numb to MY pain, and am now just focusing on his. I need him to understand that i have been so selfish for so long, that i need to just focus on him and what he is going through. He wants me to tell all, but, I just have a hard time expressing how i am feeling b/c when I do, it just opens up all of his fresh wounds... Oh, I don't know..I'm just so lost, so numb, and so sad for my DH. I still wish I never told him....I wish I wasn't soooo weak. DH keeps on telling me that I was brave to tell him, but that's VERY hard for me to hear. mau
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:07am
Morning Mau,

Never regret allowing someone the truth of their reality. He has a right to stay or leave given the choices you made ... you don't get to make that decision for him. Given that you HAVE already told him, there is no point wishing you could recant telling him. Normal & healthy to want to recant having the affair to begin with.

I just wanted to share, that although our actions were awful, selfish and downright horrible & inhumane, that does not mean we are expected to be belittled, put down or insulted. How is what he is saying you supportive of re-building your marriage? Is he in individual counseling? If so, these are the places that he can vent & process all these feelings toward you. If he has decided to stay and work through the marriage, then BOTH of your actions need to support the re-building process. Tearing you down and making you feel inadequate will not contribute to the healthy healing of your marriage. He gets to feel whatever it is that he feels, but he also needs to make decisions about how he wishes for you to feel in order to recover from your own shame & grief.

i was a BS too ... so I know what that kinda pain is like; therefore, I also know that we each make choices that either support or hinder the healing process. Once a person decides to re-commit to the marriage, then I think there is no room for lashing out with hateful or hurtful statements such as the one's that you have listed.

If he believes what he is saying ... then reconciliation and healing with not be possible, and he/you need to consider different options. If this is about him processing his incredible and understandable hurt, then there are more suitable places for him to do that "work".

Much love,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 12:13pm

MAU.. I read your post in reply to "the way" and and said I prayer for you. I have also confessed things in the past and recently to my H and

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 12:38pm
i just started crying reading that you are praying for me...im so sad. im up down all around...im trying and i tell my H that..i tell God that too. But, He knows that I miss xap, that i still want him, and that i would still be with him if xap didnt break things off.. this is why i cant forgive myself. i miss xap...i miss him...i just do. I want and need my H also, but...i just dont know. i just need to think positively. I just talked with H on the phone and told him that when i listen to songs on the radio (and they are mostly about love...ugh), that i am determined to think of H and NOT xap anymore....oh well, i brought this upon myself...i just need to suck it up, and move on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 12:42pm

TU, my H reads these posts, so maybe what you wrote will help him help me. You are very wise...thank you for all your words, and support. Although i reply to other posts and try to support them because i really want to, i have a hard time writing down my words b/c i don't believe them yet..i write much better when i believe in what i am writing..but, i guess, the more i write and ingrain it all into my brain, the easier it will be to believe what i write.. mau

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 3:11pm

I'm so sorry for your profound sadness.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 4:06pm
I also didn't feel any guilt being in my A either. I mean, I feel horrible what I have done to my H when he didn't deserve any of this, but I still continued being in an A with no guilt. And for me I have to say I had no guilt because I feel no love for my H anymore. If I still was in love with him I am sure it would have been much more harder for me to handle. But that is my reasons. When the love is gone, pretty much the guilt too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 6:40pm

Thank you Clairty...I appreciate your kind words!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 6:44pm

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