8 weeks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
8 weeks?
5
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 2:03pm

Hi, Everyone!
Only 2 more days until the new year and I am stoked! I'm really excited for that symbolic "out with the old, in with the new" changing of the year. I can't wait for this new beginning and I'm so thankful that I won't be sullying 2010 with my A. Anyway, it's nice to feel hopeful and positive for a change.

I'm 8 weeks out of my A. I feel like I've come so far. Looking back, I thought the recovery would take forever, and it felt like _forever_ -- but it was only a short while, really, right? 8 weeks later, and I'm feeling so much better. For all those fresh newbies out there, I just want to point out that I felt as dark and sad as any of you.... and now? better, not perfect, but sooooo much better. You'll get there too, I promise.

Besides coming to EAS, these are the most helpful tools for me:

NC! NC! NC!

ditched the emails and momentos right away.
(I had an impulse and DID it, fast as I could, before I could talk myself out of it. Whew! Great thing to do!)

Practice positive talking.
Instead of "Oh, gawd, I'm hurting and this sucks!" tried, "I am so thankful for this chance to change and grow."

Don't allow myself to wallow or wax nostalgic about the xAP or the A; instead, I force myself to snap out of it by saying, "Eyes Forward." that seemed to work.

I got medical help for the anxiety, depression and insomnia. Therapy is next on my list, but that has to wait until my financial situation improves, sadly.

AND.... last, and certainly not least, I began calling Bullsh*t on myself. Painful as it was (is), I began to look at myself, my behavior, my actions and owned up to how much destruction and evil I had stirred up. No more justifications or self-deception, just painful confrontation of the truth.

Thank heaven for this board, the vets who guide us, the newbies who bare their souls, and the tweeners who inspire us with their achievements. Big round of applause to all of you and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Love,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 2:59pm

Dee,


What an inspiring post and coming at this time of year was perfect timing. 8 weeks is huge, and everything you wrote is so spot on.


I especially liked the "I began calling Bullsh*t on myself," remark. Yes, we have to OWN IT and I think this is what is helping you to move on quicker. We talk about acceptance a lot on here, but that covers more than just accepting that the A is over. It also covers accepting the role we played, the setting ourselves up for that dive off the cliff, and admitting to

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 3:30pm
Hi Dee- LOVE this post! I'm at 6 weeks out and am still wallowing. Iddy and you are right. I need to OWN THIS and look at ME instead of feeling the hurt and missing xap. Enough is enough. Thank you!!! New year, new improved me (and new improved you too!) ((HUGS)) Free
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 4:42pm
That so AWSOME Dee! I am almost 6 wks NC and I can SLOWLY feel what you have explained...I still struggle with anger and resentment so i am REALLY working on focusing on MY part in all this and what i did to contribute it and fix whatever I need to fix that opened me up to the situation.! Congrats on 8 weeks..i am SO excited to start this Year out of my A as well! As difficult as it has been..i know it is such a blessing..i need to start looking at it that way too!
"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships"
-Sharon Stone
"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 10:41pm

Hi Dee,


Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!


<>


I'm holding my homemade soy latte up to the screen as a toast to you!


We talk about small steps here on EAS but that is such a big step it is practically a leap down the path to healing.


Big, big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 10:54pm

Wow your post is very helpful! I think I'll print it out as a reminder to myself. Glad to see you doing so well! =) What you suggested to do seems helpful and I wish I could do the same.

2010 will be a better year for all of us; a new beginning, xAP free! No more crying nights, no more anxieties, worrying.... just FREE. I'm also thankful I am 3 weeks of NC because I plan on going back to school in January and need as many brain cells free to study and not wander about xAP!

Good luck to all of us and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N