Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhh!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhh!!!!!!
16
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 5:12pm

I’ve been fine so far today. I haven’t cried. I’ve actually been ok. I walked in at the same time as him from the parking garage, had to share an elevator. On first break, I was going up the stairs as he was going down the stairs in the garage. I didn’t say a word to him – passed him by as if he was a stranger. I had to take really deep breaths to my car, though. I wanted to cry but I didn’t

Well, the problem now is that I know that he is flirting with someone over IM – someone who is in a different state, but hey that’s how we started, too. I just happened to move here because my family is here too and I was moving back home. He’s over there typing and laughing and smiling. Remember, I sit facing him at work, so I hear and see everything that he does. IT’S MAKING ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY JEALOUS!!! Why am I this way? Why can’t I get over it? I wonder does she know he’s married? Are they talking how we used to talk to each other? If so, why is he doing this again when he said he didn’t want to anymore?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:21pm

Fallon

You are the way you are because your a woman, and believe it or not there are good men out there who know how to love value and treat a woman, married men that cheat just don't fall into that catagory thats way he is doing what he is doing, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.

One day a real man will come into your life and you will see the difference between the him and XMM, just look a servive.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:29pm

Thanks, Free.

He's at lunch right now, but will get back in about 5 minutes. The day is halfway over, thank gawd! I can sit here and pretend that he's not here until I see him over there smiling and typing away. Then my heart clutches and my hands start shaking and I feel like I can't breathe. All I can think is YOU BAST***!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU PROMISED ME! YOU ENDED US TO GO BACK HOME AND NOW LOOK AT YOU OVER THERE FLIRTING YOUR A** OFF WITH SOMEONE ELSE! UGH! I HATE YOU! WHY AREN'T YOU FLIRTING WITH ME?! WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT ME ENOUGH? WHY WASN'T I GOOD ENOUGH?!

Yes, I know that last part is contradictory, but that's all the emotions that I'm feeling. My head knows that it's crazy and stupid and that he's not worth it, but my heart hasn't caught up to that yet. I keep telling myself - one day at a time - and then doing deep breathing exercises to get calmed down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:39pm

Fallon

Some days it's one day at a time other's it is one minute at a time, but you will make it and be wiser and stronger for it.

Here is a little thought for you, HE IS THE PROBLEM IN HIS MARRIAGE AND WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PROBLEM IN YOURS IF YOU WERE SO UNLUCKY AS TO GET HIM.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:01pm

u got to stop thinking like that, i know u are jealous, its your emotions playing mind games with your mind

maybe u can read something or walk around, get out and walk, like Free said, he is not a gentleman if he acts like that in front of u for whatever reason he may have

looks like he is not a honorable man

take care, go and eat some ice cream :)

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:29pm

I wish that those options were available to me, Max. I work in a call center, though, so I can only get up and go somewhere on my scheduled 2-15 min breaks, or my 30-min lunch. Basically, I am stuck to my desk for any other times.

So, how did your day go? lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:35pm

A call center, WELCOME TO HELL, did that many years ago for big blue when call centers were still a new thing....I would rather have my eyes put out then do that again.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:41pm

My thoughts are with you...

I know how tough my situation is for me...emotionally. I miss my OW.

I could not imagine having to be sitting right there with her next to me.

Take a deep breath...I agree with the others.

If you were married to him, would he just do this to you? He sounds like he has bigger issues with selfishness.

Day by day...I know it must be hard for you.

CD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:44pm
I've been doing call center work since 1999. I am currently working on my degree in Accounting so I can do something else. I've been at the place I am now for nearly 4 years. I just transferred from FL to TX about 6 mos ago. I answer e-mails instead of the phone now, so it is SO MUCH BETTER! I'm also not just a grunt worker. I'm in a Help Desk situation, so that the grunts call me for help :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:49pm

I think I'm doing VERY WELL considering the circumstances! Imagine how close you sit across from someone when you are in a booth in a restaurant. That is how close we sit. When I told my sister that when we were out to eat the other day, she could not believe how I was able to cope with going to work every day having to sit that close to him!

I am doing ok right now because he hasn't tried to talk to me or open an IM conversation with me. That will be the big test if/when he tries that. Believe me, I already have all of the conversations in my head about what I will tell him.

I can have NC with him, just in a different sort of way. I guess I must actually be stronger than I thought I was. How many people could do what I'm doing right now and not completely crack and go live at the looney bin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:22am

CD,

r u a male poster on this board, i would like to know and maybe i can learn from u

max

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