Absolutely mixed up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Absolutely mixed up!
4
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 2:05pm
Hi I'm new here never posted on anything before, so here goes, have'nt got anyone else to talk to about my siuation. So the basics are: been married 30 years 3 kids 2 grandchildren, my husband is kind, considerate and like a brother really, sex is now and again, but without the fireworks. Anyway made contact on the internet with my ex, and we e mailed for a couple of years eventually spoke on the phone and then we met this year and we are just crazy about each other all over again, he is married 29yrs we live 200 miles away from each other, and it seriously driving me to distraction, we have not slept together, but to be honest it's only because we have not had the opportunity. What I want to know is should I end it, I know my life would be a lot easier if I did, I would hate to, because I am just so comfortable with him,and would jump into bed with him at the drop of a hat, it's just like we never left each other, I'm 50 this year and I think I am going through a mid life crisis too, I am just so fed up, particularly with my marriage, I have tried lots of things to spice it up with my h but to no avail. Yet my ex is aching to be with me and I him, but I have that horrible gut feeling that I have got to get real, I have tried to end it with him (ex), but he won't let go and I don't want to.
I could go on forever, sorry!
Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 4:11pm
I can relate completely, not that I have an identical situation, but there are some parallels. First, I'm about your age. I too felt it was part of a mid-life crisis: "what the hell am I doing and how will I spend the rest of my life?" Have you figured out what you want to do about your marriage? Are you sure you want to stay in this marriage? If yes, then most likely if you continue on your current path, you will end up magnifying the pain of (eventually) saying goodbye to the affair, you will put your marriage and family at risk of considerable pain should they find out, and these two things are just for starters. I just ended a 4 year emotional (long distance) affair with "a prior to my marriage relationship" guy, and while I am going through all kinds of changes, I'm convinced I'm not in as much pain as I would have been had we developed the physical side of the relationship. Think it through very very carefully. I found it helpful to read lots of posts about the pain of ending an affair, the pain of BS finding out, the low self-esteem that comes from maintaining an affair, the highs and lows that are almost like those of a drug addict. I'm sure you're beginning to see that BEING IN an affair is sometimes more painful than fun, and it is only going to get worse. Think before you act.
Alice
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 5:01pm
Thanks Alice, you've given me food for thought,it's funny how you think that your the only one in the world going through these things, and it's great when you can share your problems. Still I think I know what I should do, but it's being brave enough to pull the plug!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 6:13pm

Sky

Are you really prepared to destroy your 30 year marriage and you family for some fireworks.
Another though for you if you do 1)don't expect him to leave his wife for you he won't , he will blame it all on you and beg her to give the marriage another chance, 2)if you were so unlucky as to end up with this cheating married man and it lasted 5 years and the novalty and newness has warn off that your still going to have these fireworks.

It seems to be a very shallow relationship based on using each other to satisfy LUST and nothing else, is it really worth the price eveyone else will have to pay for your fling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:37am

Skydived,


Keep in mind that all it takes is