Addicted to him
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Addicted to him
| Sat, 08-07-2010 - 1:36am |
I didnt know if this is the right place to post this.
It has been a year and a month since the whole affair has started. It goes in cycles hes crazy about me, Im the most amazing women in the world, he loves me and then slowly it turns into I have become too

Sweetgirl,
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It is the right place to post if you are wanting to end your A. I think I gathered that from some of the things you wrote, but complimenting/romanticizing your AP is for another board.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair
The gals there will also answer your question about being addicted to the AP, but if you read here as well, you will learn that affairs are very addictive. It's difficult to give up those feel goods and ego strokes, but every gal on this board has, or is in the process of doing this. You say you are in MC but I would like to suggest that you find yourself an IC (Individual Counselor) for yourself to help address your own personal issues.
Also, if your H is abusive, you need to end this A pronto. If ever discovered, your H could go off the deep end. Be sure to read the thread, "D-Days" in the healing library.
You need to end this A, honey. Your future well being depends on it.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
Welcome Sweetgirl :)
This is exactly the place you should be if you decide to end your A, and I hope you do.
The cycle you mentioned is exactly what happens in an A. And it will NEVER change. I was addicted too. For 7.5 years, I accepted crumbs from a man who was emotionally abusive and very controlling. But I felt like if I didn't have him in my life I would die. He would live his real life, hurt me like hell and I would still believe him when he said he promised "things would be different". And I would breathe my sigh of relief for a few hours because I got my "drug" and then real life would smack me in the face harder than the previous time.
You are playing with fire - if your H has a history of emotional and verbal abuse and you are involved with another man who is unemployed and has an alcohol problem - that seems like a recipe for disaster. Like Iddy said, end this asap.
You said the thought of ending makes you cry. You will cry - a LOT. But you will become a better person and you won't live an empty, disjointed life. One more thing, I'm not married and have never been in marriage counseling, but as long as you are involved with another man, it seems that going to marriage counseling would be like being on a diet but eating a dozen donuts every day. If you want to fix your marriage with a man you say loves you and is willing, you need to end the A right away.
Bodhi
Thank you for all your helpful words. I know it needs to end but what do you do with the hole thats left in your life. All the phone calls, text and attention is just gone and I feel soooo lost. It really is like a drug. I need rehab!!!!
Let EAS be your rehab, like it has been for so many of us. Like someone addicted to a drug, you must go cold turkey and wade your way through the first hellish weeks of withdrawal. It is an addiction- an addiction to the chemicals that are released when you are with them. There's a post about it in the healing library. And the only way to break the addiction is to resolve to break it and that means NC. And then you come here everyday and let the insight and wisdom of those who have BTDT fill the hole that an A leaves. Slowly, you will fill that hole up and cement it over. It will remain a reminder of the hell from which you escaped, but you will have escaped. You will get your life back. He will stop hurting you... you are allowing him to. Take back control. Cut him off and start to heal.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
You have found the perfect place to help you get on and stay on the path to recovery my friend.
You talk about filling the "hole" and yes I remember that feeling well.