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advice need
| Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:47pm |
First of all thanks so much for all of your posts. They are very helpful. I have been married for the last eight years and have been in an off and on affiar for six years with the same man. My husband is great, we get along well, he adores me, he is a good dad etc. I just can't seem to forget about OM. I think about him all the time. I don't get to see him much, but when I do it's very intense and sad when it's time to say good-bye. We are both getting sick of the situation though. Which is good for me, I really want it over one way or another. He wants to be together. I also want to be with him. However, the practical side of me knows that it isn't going to be that glamorus in the real world with kids involved. I don't want to hurt him. I know that I have held him back in his life and kept him from pursuing other things. Which is very selfish of me. He has kept me from being a good wife at the same time. I don't treat my husband like I should. I am just so ready for something to be done one way or the other. I find myself telling OM what he wants to hear. That is so bad....I know. I have talked to H recently about splitting. He doesn't seem to be willing to go that route. It's just really sad since kids are in the mix. My best bet is to put OM behind me. I just am having SUCH a hard time doing it. Any suggestions?

Yes, a few suggestions:
If you really want to end it then go NO CONTACT period that is the ownly way it will happen nothing else works, then get into something that requires you to be a giveing person not a selfish one like a food bank or soup kitchen.
GOOD LUCK
F
About 6 weeks ago, I told OMM that I had come to the realization that I was not going to end my marriage and it wasn't fair to him to remain in this relationship with me. As far as I knew, my H was still involved in his relationship with OW. However, in the following weeks I realized the extent to which my involvement with OMM was taking my heart and mind away from my family. I didn't realize it while it was happening, but once I started NC with him, things began to really fall into place at home. Within about 2 weeks, H had noticed the change and confided that he was wondering if we could try the M thing again. At that point, I confided that I had ended my relationship with OMM, but made it very clear that I did not expect him to end his relationship with OW. He did it anyway. We're now beginning to heal from all the gunk we've been carrying on for the past few years and bonding again a little bit.
So much of the chaos an A causes is truly not apparent while its going on. And despite everything my OMM promised, I do believe that part of what made the A sooooo attractive was the fact that we weren't doing "life" together. We weren't raising kids, paying bills, keeping a house. As we all know, these are the things that take a marriage apart. I began to realize that if I was blessed to have a wonderful H in my life with whom I could get thru "life", why in the world was I messing around with someone else???? Selfishness.
Best of luck to you. If you decide to take a step in either direction, I will support you, because I can totally identify with how difficult this is.
So your husband knows about your A? Mine has no idea.