Advice..have some & need some please!
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| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 9:17am |
Hi Everybody!
I am an oldtimer here. I posted regularly from April 04-October 04. I see so many new faces! Just to give you a little background without boring you all to pieces, last March a co-worker who I had always been pretty good work-friends with started heavily flirting with me. I am married and he lives with his GF. I was kind of at a low point (family drama, deaths, DH out of town a lot...basically lonliness) and the flirting felt good. And we were friends, so I thought "he cares about me and wouldn't cross the line and jeopardize my marriage." Well, I was wrong about LOTS of things. He intensely pursued me and gave me the attention I didn't even know I needed. He made it clear that no emotions could be involved...that he didn't want to wreck a marriage or his relationship. But that we were "really good friends" who happened to be very attracted to each other. Yeah....no emotions there, right? Long, long, LONG story short, he wore me down. I accept responsibility for my actions, but I was absolutely manipulated and vulnerable then. We never had IC, but had very intense meetings on and off from April until September. The pattern was always the same...he ALWAYS contacted me. Never the other way around. He "missed our friendship" and talking to me, I was a bright spot at work for him, and basically flattered me into thinking we WERE friends who made a mistake that couldn't happen again. Well, that lovely sentiment lasted about 3-4 emails and then BOOM! he was still attracted to me, he didn't want it to be over, he missed the sexual chemistry we had, blah blah blah. To be honest, when this was happening, he would have me SO seduced and high on endorphins that I would meet him for one last time. Our encounters were amazing and passionate, and the next day he ALWAYS ALWAYS got cold and told me we needed to stop. I never wanted to start, but I let him in just a little and I got myself worked up into a frenzy and caved. Again, I take responsibility because I KNEW his pattern and I KNEW things were better when we had NC! But it always hurt the next day. I was used and felt it. It was so painful. Rejection, even when it IS necessary, always hurts. We fell into a very dangerous


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I couldn't agree more, Free!!!!
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Just a gentle thought, here, Lily...why not stop drinking??? Only because I care. Love, Mo.
Hi Mo!
I have stopped drinking for the most part. An occasional ONE glass of wine with dinner with hubby MAYBE, but especially since we are trying to conceive I have cut out 99% of my drinking. Sadly, that night of the happy hour I let myself be convinced by some co-workers to go for A drink. (I had started my period and knew I wasn't pregnant) but when xOM and GF showed up and took me by surprise, I drank because I was uncomfortable and that is NO REASON to drink. It's a pattern with me, and I recognize that. I hate the way I feel after wards, and since this A I made a pact with myself to NEVER do anything again that would make me uncomfortable in the morning. Sadly, I had a lapse in judgement and have learned from it. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong.
Lovely Lily,
I havent been on the board to check things out in a few days but I see that you have been busy with Obsessive Mind Overload. I agree with Free (as we always do ;-) ) stop obsessing honey! You owe him nothing. You owe yourself, your DH and your soon to be DS or DD. Thats it. He is trying to open up the door. He is probably missing the high and the drug the A offered. We all understand that because we have learned that through this board. He probably has no psychological understanding of that....so you are already 10 steps ahead of him. Dont give in to it. You know how easy it is to fall back into that trap. BTDT way too many times. That sudden urge that overcomes you can make you do silly things and take over your mind and body. Not worth it. I also dont think you should respond but if you feel comfortable doing it, dont make it an open ended conversation. Close the door and be quite clear about it. The one thing I always loved about you was how very sweet you always appeared...I would bet alot of $$ that you are often perceived as Lovely Lily the very sweet and kind person. Not saying you dont have a tough a** under there somewhere, I believe you do if pushed far enough...well guess what? Time to bring out the tough a**. Remember you owe him nothing. Only yourself. You have come way to far and its so easy to slip into it.
I am going on 3 weeks NO CONTACT. No emails, calls, TM...nothing...that is the longest ever. I have had a couple of weak moments but for the most part I am starting to find and feel like the old Dipss again...and you know what?? I really like the ol' Dipss. I know it will take time and for now I pray he doesnt reach out to me, for the most part I dont think he will....but each day that goes by...I am stronger and know that I will stick with it this time...and if I am feeling weak I will make sure that some of you guys pull out the stick (FREE) and give me a big WHOMP!!
Hugs and kisses to you our Lovely Happy and Sweet Lily,
Stay strong, feel better and then go make a little baby. :-)
Darling Dipss. :)
My dearest, dearest Dipss...
Your post made my morning. You are such a kind, warm person...whether it is the new Dipss or the old. I know exactly how you feel about becoming your old self again. For me that happened in October and I found such a great peace. This minor setback reminded me how I hated the
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