Affair 4 yrs ago, still in love?
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| Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:29pm |
I haven't posted here for about 2 years now. I had an affair with MM for a year, that ended over 4 years ago. About 2 years ago, I was temped by this man again, but was able to stay strong. I have been married to my H for 3 years. Things have been difficult for us. But I love my H.
I had been through a bad divorce. Blah, Blah, Blah..we became lovers. We used to work together (that's when A started), but I cut ties as much as I could with him when I met H. I've never cheated on my H. I hadn't been physical with MM for over a month when I met H. H and I married after 6 months.
But I still work with MM. We are in the same industry, which is a small community. He is a sub-consultant on one of my projects, so I see and talk with him often. I was in love him 4 years ago, but knew it was unhealthy. But I still fantisize about MM to this day. He still gives me butterflies. Every once in awhile, MM will email me and tease me. It starts off professional and ends up personal. Today was one of those days. He shocked me today by writing, "You are in love with me". We never talked about 'love', EVER, during our A. I knew I loved him but would never tell him and he never asked or said so to me. When I read that today,it sent a pang through my gut, like an arrow through my heart. Is it true? Can I still be in love with him after all this time? Can I love my H and this man at the same time? I am so confused and guilt ridden. I am sad. Has anyone been in this situation? What do you do when your heart feels one way, but you're brain tells you your an idiot and you are torn? MM is still married...I don't understand why he would bring up Love now.
EDIT: I just wanted to add that I was in denile about loving MM back in the day, even 2 years ago. It hasn't been until recently, and especially today when he said that me that it really hit home how much in denile I've been. I did love MM more that anyone before, but wasn't supposed to love him, so I didn't let myself think about it as love. I do love my H. But the feeling are different for MM..stronger in some ways, which is where the guilt comes into play.
Edited 5/26/2005 6:55 pm ET ET by issuesongoing

Iss
The feelings associated with affairs are artificially hightened by the factors involved in being in a affair and have real addictive properties, I suggest that you take these feelings with a large grain of salt they can be very deceptive and distructive.
I would suggest that you set VERY CLEAR BOUNDARIES about how this womans husband can address you in the future, he has no business asking you any personal questions and you should refuse to answer them or have any NON PROFESSIONAL dealings with him, your on your second marriage you don't want this guys desire for a booty call to jeopardize it.
You may want suggest to him that you archive all your e-mails FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.
JMHO
Free
You are right...it is addictive. Even though I know I shouldn't talk with him about anything unprofessional, I do answer his emails and sometimes flirt back. It's a quick fix for me to feel desired and get that rush, especially when H isn't being very nice to me at the moment. There are times when I respond to MM just to feel appreciated...stupid, I know, but sometimes H is mean and acts holier than thou, when he really has no ground to stand on. He patronizes me and it pisses me off. I have to put on a strong face and front all the time...I'm always the responsible one, I have a lot of weight on my shoulders (H has been unemployed for sometime now, which is a big problem with respect right now), and the flirting with MM can be fun and an escape...it's all fantasy, at least for me. But MM can be very pushy at times...
When we worked together on a daily basis (same office), we would banter back and forth People would purposely start an 'argument' between us, just to watch us go at it. To this day, some of my co-workers mention MM and how they used to enjoy watching us banter. It was always a power play between us. It still is at times. It's a strange relationship....a stupid relationship, I guess.
MM just caught me off guard yesterday with the 'love' thing. MM is very smart, very cute, funny, has an adorable laugh and he makes me laugh. He is smarter than my H, sad to say, but true. I'm not trying ot compare the two, but this is something that I find very attractive about MM..his brain is incredible. And he has said the same of me...which I find very flattering for whatever reason. So, you get the gest of my confusion. I just need to keep it in perspective and not cross the line. Thanks for the advice.
Edited 5/27/2005 11:42 am ET ET by issuesongoing