Affair Burnout
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Affair Burnout
| Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:57am |
I ended my just over 3 1/2 year affair last night with a MM. I tried to end it once before - May 2003 - but it didn't last. This time it will. I am too tired of the whole thing - lies, schedules, cancellations and disappointments. I finally realized that the hurt so outweighted the happiness. My self-esteem has pretty much hit rock bottom. I am so tired of trying to arrange time for us to get together only to be placed last on his list of priorities. I am not mad at him, nor did we argue, I just want off the rollercoaster. Too many ups and downs and it is making me sick. He said he doesn't want it to end but that he knew it would end someday and that if we keep going eventually we will get caught but I could tell that he was mad at me - he turned extremely stern and cold. I know that he will not contact me - it is not his style - he is very proud and stubborn. I held on to the fact last night that I did my best to keep things together but I am too tired to carry on anymore.
SAM

I know it's SO hard. You can become SO attached even to the pain. I also ended my 3.5 year affair -- in March 2003 so I'm here to say, it is hard but it does get easier. I'll be honest, it was still so hard - even though, like you, I was tired of it, over it & ready to be free.
I ended up seeing a therapist -- I said it was because I had started dating a divorced dad & wanted to learn how to detach from my Ex-H and do things right with his kids & mine. But it was really more about healing from the affair.
It took me about 6 mos. to really let it go. I never called him -- he did try to contact me a few times, but I rejected his overtures even though there were times I really wanted to talk with him.
If you feel low & depressed as you find yourself all over again, I encourage you to consider therapy. It really helped me alot.
I'm a divorced mom of 2 boys, now teenagers. I got so tired of hiding and feeling the shame and frustration of sneaking around with my MM. My relationship now is hard in a good way -- it's real & I'm learning & growing as a person. I love him honestly & openly - no secrets & lies either side.
Good luck -- with or without ANY man, we all deserve and can have so much more from our lives than settling for an affair. You and I were both fortunate that there never was a big blow up & exposure. We can be thankful for that and learn about ourselves and move on to a better and more honest life. good luck!! We're all pulling for you here.
Thank you,
SAM