Affair Myths... add yours!
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| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 12:14pm |
So... I've been told by numerous people that I am viewing my A in a fantasy-type of way and as soon as I stop doing that I can start moving on.
What are some of the myths, "fantasy"-type charaterists affairs have for you?
I'll start! :p
- believing the love of the A is above and beyond anything you've experienced or could/will experience.
- feeling as though the OM or MM is involved with you because YOU are special... when in reality (this was even admitted on the Oprah show so it must be the God's honest truth! :p) most men get involved in affairs because of the way the OW/MW makes him feel about HIMSELF!
- believing your affair partner is different than the standard/average cheating person.
Your turn... my brain hurts (this is actually hard for me, which I guess means I'm still knee-deep! GRRRRRR)

Believing that even though he lied and cheated and treated another woman poorly, he would never do that to me becasue he really loves me. My turn did come, not the cheating part as far as I know, but I got lied to and treated poorly.
Believing all the fairy tales he spun about the life we were going to lead together to be reality and making real life decisions (getting divorced, where I moved to) based on his fantasies.
Believing him that he got involved with me becasue I was his soul mate and he was looking for me all his life; instead of realizing that I was an easy target, unhappily married myself and new in town, for an unhappy married man looking to escape from his real life. That is what drew him to me. If I was his soul mate, he'd have fulfilled his promises to me.
Believing that I had some form of control over his getting divorced and taking the blame for his delaying...believing him that if I had just been good enough and given him enough security he'd be with me now.
Being shocked and upset that a man who has proven himself to be a liar, lied to me.
Ivy
Believing that your OM/MM would remain as in love with you as he is now after being together for as long as you been married.
Believing that your the only one? When you met him on the computer looking for just a freind. That one was hard for me and I never believed it even when he tried to tell me he never did anything like that before? and that I was his soul mate.
HERE IS THE BIG ONE!
Believing that his wife who has his three children is a terrible mom and does nothing for him but he was married for 21 years. She was a terrible wife and cheated on him so he decided to have a peice of her cake too.
Never admitting that the relationship was nothing but an affair. I at least fessed up to it in the end and ate my cake in peace. ;)
Healed
Believing that he could be more emotionally involved with me than he is in the rest of his relationships (believing I could "reach him" and pull down those walls).
Believing I'm not replaceable.
Believing he ached for me the way I ached for him.
Believing this could have a happy ending.
Believing I could nicely manage a dual life with little emotional impact.
Believing it wouldn't impact my H.
Believing I could easily stop.
Believing we could still be FRIENDS.
Believing a little contact won't hurt anything.
WIP
Believing that once he got to know me better/slept with me/saw how good I was to him, that he would develop feelings for me like I had for him.
Believing that even if he *said* that he loved his wife and would never leave her and nothing was wrong with their marriage and he only had EMAs to add some spice to his life (or because his biological nature as a man predisposed him to), that there must be something wrong there for him to be looking for someone else because that's the way it was for me. More succinctly, NOT believing that a man could have an affair and not think anything of it.
Believing that when we aren't together or aren't talking, that he is thinking about me AT ALL.
Believing that, after I realized all this on an intellectual level, that sleeping with him would "get it all out of my system." Believing that I could have sex like a man and not develop feelings.
Believing the first thought so strongly that I was reluctant to do or say anything that would be less than utterly pleasing to him. Including hiding the fact that, though the sex was awesome, I still didn't O.
Believing that this would help me figure out things in my M. Maybe it did, but it confused a lot of other things.
ETA: Thought of another -- believing that this man, who had the audacity to proposition me in the first place, who could pursue me so agressively when I was unsure, could be "afraid" or "unsure" to contact me now, though in his heart he truly wants to.
Edited 6/3/2005 11:49 am ET ET by like_a_bird
Believing that something right could come of doing something wrong.
Believing that everyone else was wrong about him.
Believing that it was different with us.
Believing that if he was with me I could satisfy his needs.
Believing that he was a better man then my Husband.
Believing that I just wanted to know how it would be to be with him.
Believing that I would feel more attractive knowing other men want me.
Believing that satisfaction was more important then integrity.
Gosh it's been such a long time but reading everyone's post, I can remember thinking/feeling these things.
I believed he would leave and we would be together.
I believed in his words and disregarded his actions
I believed he had loved me for a very long time (since we were young)
I believed in the fairytale and the romance.
When he said:
"I love you"
"I care about you"
"I miss you"
Not realizing he neglected to say the rest:
"I love having sex with you"
"I only care about having sex with you"
"I miss having sex with you"
Edited 6/3/2005 2:48 am ET ET by cowgirlsup
Believing that no matter what happends wed be friends forever and always..
Believing that i would always be on his mind like hes on mine...
Believing that he was meant to be in my life .. it was fate that made me meet him because we had so very much in common there had to be a reason for it to be ....
Believing he missed me as much as i miss him... still...
Believing that NC would be as hard for him as me and that he would just say hey now and then...
Believing that he cared..
Beliveing that it was more then just sex..
Beliveing that our paths will cross again and hed be happy to see me...
Believing that i was as special to him as he was to me...
believing all the things he said to me was the truth and now im just erased....
all a big fat lie.. but i still want to believe in it ..