Affair - need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2010
Affair - need advice
10
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 11:57am
Hi everyone. This is my first time here. My name is Megan and I'm 27 yr old and married for 2 years. I have been with my husband for over 6 years.

Over the last few months, I have been very unhappy. My husband is very irritable/moody all of the time and i feel absolutely no love/support. I have no desire to be with him physically as he constantly puts me in emotional turmoil.

Over the last few weeks, I have reconnected with an ex that I had major unresolved issues with. He was my high school sweetheart and we were both young and stupid so it didn't work out. We reconnected on facebook and traded messages for a few days, then he and his bro came to see me and my son while out at a Christmas party. This was the first time in 6 years we'd seen each other. After seeing each other we traded texts which turned sexual in nature.

Friday night, after a week of texting and talking on the phone, we met up and had sex. I am not the kind of person to do this. I know everyone says that, but I'm not. While together, we talked about how we wished I wasn't married so we could be together. He's single.

The whole situation was rushed as I had to get back home. We haven't talked much since other than to say that neither of us regretted it.

My problem is, I feel like I'm still in love with him. I've thought of him over the years and always wondered what if. He has mentioned continuing what we are doing and that if I ever leave my husband, he'd want to be with me.

What do I do? Should I tell him how I honestly feel about him? Should I stop talking to him? Should I see him a few more times to see how it goes?

I feel like an emotional mess. I love my husband but am not "in love" and not sure I ever was. Just don't want to hurt him.

Also, my ex isn't the most mature person on the planet so I'm not sir
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 11:58am
Oops meant to say not sure we are in the same place in our lives
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 12:54pm

Megan,

Old flame affairs are not uncommon. Several of our posters (Bandk is one, and she still posts in occasionally) had a very hard time overcoming her past love, but she finally saw the light and let him go. Alwayst is another poster who is current on this board, now at 2 months NC, but still is struggling at times. I hope she will chime in to give you some advice. Until then....

Perhaps you never did stop loving this guy, but you are M now, and that is where this story stands. If you are unhappy in your M, then get out of it. No children? Is your XBF single? Continuing to see him would be a very grave error. These things tend to backfire in a very cruel manner, and if your H is emotionally abusive in any way, it could get very ugly.

This is an Endings board, honey. If you want advice on how to end your A, we are here to help you through this. In the mean time, please read our Healing Library and learn everything you can about the destructive nature of affairs.

((Hugs)))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 1:18pm
Thanks for the response. I will check out the library.

To answer some of your questions, Yes my ex is single and yes, we both have children. He has a 3 yr old child that lives 12 hours away and I have a 10 month old.

I know it's wrong and for that reason I do want to end it. I've felt like a nervous wreck since it happened. I just feel so much for my Ex and also feel that this is a 2nd chance for us. In my heart, I know it's too late though. I just feel completely heart broken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 6:56pm

Megan,

Sorry, sweetie, but I'm gonna

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 10:40pm

Hi, Megan~

I hooked up (via Facebook-I do believe it's the devil ;o) ) with an ex after 18 years. Like you, it felt unresolved and like it didn't end naturally and that there was unfinished business. When I jumped on these boards when my a ended, I was a bit like you....teetering on whether I really wanted it over, only I really didn't have a choice because my xap had come to his senses and simply walked away without warning, notice...nothing.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 10:48pm

Megan,

I read your post this morning but I was having a bad day and didnt feel up to posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 10:57pm

Hi Megan,

I have to agree here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 12:44pm

Megan,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2010
Fri, 12-24-2010 - 6:51am

Hi Megan,

Personally I am in no position to tell you to stop what you are doing. I am currently in a situation where there is another man in my life so it would be hypocritical of me. All I can say is that as he is single and you are not to be very careful he doesn't think he can end your marriage. There is always the danger that the single person will ask you to leave the other for them and you either have to make sure either you are prepared to do this or tell him no and that its best that you do not continue.

In my situation the only rule we have is that we do not ask the other to leave their partner, it works better because we both have others in our lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 12-24-2010 - 8:34pm
Great post Always....so proud of you. I was a bit disappointed in you, but you are back in the saddle. I agree with everything you said. I hope she listens you you...listens to the board.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida