The Affair Stress & Your Health
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| Wed, 09-29-2010 - 5:20pm |
Can we discuss the effects of affairs on our health? Just something to think hard about. I'm curious how others have handled the awful effects of affair stress and endings. If it made you ill, how far did it go before you recognized it and knew the affair had to end? Did ending the affair give you relief?
I don't think that during our affair we recognize what the stress is doing to us. We all know how we were so fogged in, we just didn't see anything but ourselves and xAP. About a year ago, I was in my doctor's office for a routine visit and we started discussing the lack of sleep, stress and the effects it has on us, especially as we age. I don't know about the other posters, but during the years of my affair, I slept very little. I would disappear to my home office and write emails to xAP til the wee hours of the morning. Often, after wards in bed, I would do
research for him and find information he didn't have time to chase down. I thought nothing of doing this and actually looked forward to "my time" away from DH. I was always tired. Of course what else could I expect, I was burning the candle at both ends. I was miserable and cranky, but if I recognized it, I blamed my DH for making me that way. In reality it was the stress from the affair and living on such little sleep. It's a two fold mark against us, lack of sleep and stress. And for me, the stress literally made me sick.
My doctor went on to talk to me about how stress damages our bodies. The damage then opens the doors for more health problems. I was not a little stressed during my affair, I was really, really stressed. Looking back, I recall getting colds when I never
had them before. I had awful gastro issues because I was always dealing with some drama regarding xAP and myself. I had occasional
migraines, I had never had one in my entire life! But the one thing that scared me, really scared me was my heart. xAP and I had plans to meet for a simple dinner one evening, he was in town on business. I had been planting the seeds with DH for weeks that I had a seminar at a museum I was committed to attending. Big fat lie of course. A few days before xAP showed up, I started getting worried I couldn't pull it off. The lying to my DH was killing me. I felt something awful was going to happen, so I started telling xAP I wasn't so sure I could make it. He would not take no for an answer, insisted I go through with our plans. Long story, but within days I was at my cardiologist to find out why I was
having strange fluttery pains in my chest. I was having a hard time calming myself down, I couldn't catch my breath, my fists were clinched, my arms ached. I felt so torn between xAP's demands and doing what I felt was the right thing for me. At the time I was trying to end the A, but still going through the maybe we can be friends struggle. I was ok as soon as I told xAP I definitely would not be meeting him. Amazing how relieved I felt. For the first time in a long time, I put myself, my family and my health first. Had I tried to make xAP happy, there is no telling what might have happened to me.
I look back at that and now understand what my doctor was explaining to me. The stress in our lives can kill us. EAS poster's, I know this is an ending board, but dealing with an ending is a major stress inducer. Continued stress can be a silent killer. Don't let your affair or xAP do this to you. You have
a choice. Our lives have enough everyday stress in them without the added drama of a complicated relationship. Be good to yourself, take care of you, so you can be the best you can be. Hugs and peace.

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But thank you for posting this, it's exactly how I feel.
-K
I'm sorry I'm late for chiming in on everyone's responses - my computer decided it wanted a rest for the day ! Never fails, huh!
I have to say I'm not surprised at the responses here. I am sorry to read there has been so much stress and destruction, but as we all know by now, there is a very high price to pay. My own affair aged me internally and externally. Every ache and pain I suffered through during that time was so unnecessary. I have lines and wrinkles I didn't have when the affair began, tell tale lingering signs I have to see everyday. Even after all this time, I feel worn out from the drama but I know I am safe now. That is a wonderful feeling.
Take special care of yourselves my friends. Life is precious and so short. Live your best life.
I am late posting to this but have been reminded recently of how the stress affected my health......
HYPOCHONDRIAC! I worried about everything that was slightly wrong with me to the extreme.
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