"affair support board"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
"affair support board"
10
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 10:05pm
I was just wondering who all lurks the other boards. When my A was in full force I lurked all the boards. The ending board and the betrayed board anyways. Now I have found that since I'm on this side, an ended A, that I have a hard time reading posts on the "my affair support" board. I guess I must be jealous that they all have their partners and I'm now without mine (to that extent.) But I also feel like when I was in the middle of my A, I was getting really nowhere with it. Now, even though it's hard and we're all a little messed up, it seems that we have some progress to look forward to, whether it be getting over our AP or making them do something other than fence sit. Does this make sense? I guess, even though we're all hurting on this side, it's still a better place to be than on "affair support" side. And if you haven't yet, read some of the "betrayed" board. When we see the hurt we've caused others, it seems to make you feel better about giving up the A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 10:12pm
And one more thing, I also noticed that most of the posts on the "affair support" board prove that most are not happy. So is there really any sense in being in a A anyway?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 10:36pm

I am a BS who lurks all the boards. I befriended a wayward wife on the boards the other day, and I was disheartened to see that she did not tell me the whole truth regarding the affair and why the H was so angry. All I can say is, if you read the Betrayed Spouses board you can see the damage and life changing events that affairs cause and are. Affairs are a tragic and life-altering event, not to be entered into lightly.

That's all I'm going to say on this board regarding the subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 10:42pm

Pal

I think as hard as it is you end up feeling better just knowing that your doing something to either move the relationship forward by forcing him off that fence or by removing yourself from being in such a emotionally stressfull situation.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 11:25pm

Dear Pal:

by ending the A we are just simply DOING THE RIGHT THING

Believe me it has taken me a LONG time to be emotionally disconnected enough to get to this place but I finally do CARE about doing the right thing by me, the BS and the AP.

What a good feeling to be able to say I am sorry for what I did and now I'm not doing it anymore

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 5:50am

Again, you have offered up good food for thought. When I first began suffering from the "reality bite" of my unaccountable actions, I also traveled all of the affair boards in search for answers and insights. I began on the "All Sides" board, the harshest of the harsh, but the dose of reality over there left my psyche begging for more. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment, or maybe I was starved for some truth and honesty as affairs silently devour the goodness of our being. Whatever it was, the persepectives of the BS's over there, not to mention the evident pain of their wisdom, catapolted me back to reality faster than a speeding bullet.

Now I am able to read all of the affair boards with compassion instead of rebellion, and take to heart the messages that so many are struggling to bring home. It has definately been a learned experience, and although at times I am wondering if I have replaced one addiction with another, I find reading and writing on these boards to be totally theraputic, and healthier for my mental and spiritual well being than barely existing in that "pretend" world I had dwelled in for so many years.

Id




Edited 11/19/2004 6:12 am ET ET by id_diosyncrity

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 12:39pm
I, too, have been to other boards. I was particularly interested in the BS's support board. I have such guilty feelings and feel so sorry toward the wife b/c of my actions and XMM's actions. I see her here at work and think to myself...if she only knew what her hubby had done. I feel sorry for her b/c she doesn't know and she seems like a genuinly nice person inside. I am ashamed of my actions. So...whenever I start missing him and wishing I could see/talk to him, I have to read that board to put everything back into perspective. You have to realize that the world does not revolve around you and that other people are getting seriously hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 12:58pm

IVHappiness,

Here's another board that will tug at your heart strings and keep you honest :)

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?fid=2

If people would only walk in another's shoes once in a while, they would better see the selfishness of their ways. Thanks for your post.

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 2:00pm

Wow! I've been reading the posts on survivinginfidelity.com now for about 1/2 hour now. Amazing. I needed this bad. I will looking at this often and think others should too. Those poor people. I can't believe that I had the potential to ruin lives/families/homes like that. It's easy to not think about when you think no one will find out...but when they do find out...WHOA!! Thanks for the link. I will read it often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:10pm
I scanned this board also, as well as the ones from iVillage. That really adds more bitter taste to the whole nasty affair business. I regret every tear my xMM's wife has ever shed on my account. She didn't deserve that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 11:49am

Pal,

Yes, I, too, have a little trouble reading the Affairs Board. Not because I sit in judgement of any of them, but because I sit where I'm sitting and know that it is all just such crap. And how incredibly selfish we all are to be having these A's. If we're married, what kind of people are we to be betraying someone else. If they're not, how selfish is it to want to try and take someone away from their family, no matter how "miserable" they say they are. Yes, I'm glad I'm over here, and it's over.